Maxim Hot 100- Are you guys serial?

So while we were tooling around the Interweb at our house, we realized that Maxim came out with their annual top 100 list. Along with the usual suspects, there were a few surprises in a few surprising places. We’ll break down the top-10 for you, along with notes on the most appaling placements and omissions. So, sit back, put on some Des’ree, grab the lotion of your choice, and enjoy.

#10. Fergie
So, after thinking long and hard, we decided we’d do Fergie. Yeah, she was a basehead and yeah, the Black Eyed Peas blow. But, at the end of the day, a hot piece of ass is a hot piece of ass.

#9. Eva Longoria

We’ve discussed Eva on here before, but she’s really special. She’s everything Hollywood should be. She’s clean, she’s cut, she’s got a superstar boyfriend, and she’s not afraid to talk about how hot her sex life is. Father enjoy (as in daddy-likey).

#8. Rihanna
So, if we’re being honest here, we had no idea who Rihanna was until about 5 minutes ago. And, if we’re going to continue to be honest, we still don’t really know. But she’s hot, and this is supposed to be a list of hot girls. So we back.

#7. Eva Mendes

We met Eva in Training Day, and even suffered through 15 minutes of 2 Fast 2 Furious to see that ass again. Would you believe that Eva is 33 years young? Damn. But, I guess if 40 is the new 30, 33 is the new 19, and we LOVE 19 year old girls.

#6. Ali Larter
Yeah, Ali Larter is hot. But it’s been all downhill for her since the riveting performance she and Jimmy Van Der Beek put on in Varsity Blues. She’s by far the worst actor in Heroes, a show that prides itself in being entertaining despite having awful acting. But on a Friday night, she’d still get it.

#5. Jessica Biel

This girl is totally doing it. She’s red hot in Hollywood, and she’s been seen with our boy JTim. Just really nothing not to like about Biel. 5 may be too low for her. And check out that side-boob.

#4 Christina Aguilera
Remember back in the day when guys used to argue over whether she or Britney was hotter? There’s not much of an argument these days. Not only is Aguilera perfectly dirrty, she’s also married to some huge loser dirtbag, so we know we’d have a chance.

#3. Scarlett Johansson

Jeebus. Scarlett is everything you dream of. Hot, young, loves to eff. We wonder when she’s done getting plowed by every A-lister in Hollywood if she’ll still look this nice, but we’d still be down.

#2. Jessica Alba
This, ladies and gents, may be the hottest girl of all time. Just perfect. In a callback to Boxy Brown’s last article, we’d give our left arm to be the compact mirror staring back at this box.

#1. Lindsay Lohan

Wait… what? Lindsay Lohan is the #1 hottest girl in the world? Let’s not get stupid, Maxim. We love our cokewhores as much as the next guy, but c’mon. We’d plow, but we would not be the first. Hell, likely not even the first that night. Just a bad call for #1 overall in our opinion.

So there’s the top-10. Now, let’s look at some awful placements and omissions.

Erin Andrews – Seriously. Where is she?

Elisha Cuthbert – 25 is too low.

Meadow Soprano – Again. Where the hell is she?

Rachael Bilson at 39 and Sarah Silverman at 29? Whatever you say Maxim.

Cameron Diaz is played out at #19.

How the hell is Sharapova down at 17? Should be at least top-10.