The Weekly S.M.E.A.R. : Sopranos Series Finale

So you probably thought we’d take the easy way out and SMEAR the writers of the Sopranos for pantsing us all last night with the worst finale in TV history. You think we’re lazy and don’t want to find someone else worthwhile. It would just be easier to pile on the Sopranos like everyone else, right? Damn straight. Fuck those guys and the smug-ass horse they rode in on. We thought we knew smug. Then, the Sopranos writers smugged us so hard. Let’s commence the bashing, shall we? (and if you haven’t seen the finale, save yourself).
Care To Get Nice?

So what the fuck was that? Seriously? We’ve all seen great shows blow in their last episode. Seinfeld comes to mind as a wonderful show with a weak finale, as does the OC (so we heard…). We’ve also seen shows get oh so nice when they wrapped up- two great examples being MASH and Six Feet Undies. But what we got last night was worse than getting a low yeb and having the girl remove junk from mouth and then proceeding to thump you squaw in the nuts. Just totally backhanded and uncalled for. Let’s review what we found out last night:AJ got a job working on some stupid movie
Meadow is going to get paid as hell as a lawyer
Phil got hit and now that squirmly little guy is in charge of NY
Junior doesn’t know his own name
Janice is a succubus.

And here’s things we don’t know:

Does Sil live?
Does Tony go to jail?
What happens to Paulie Walnuts?
Why does it take Meadow 20 minutes to parallel park her friggin car?
Does that shifty-eyed guy who went to the john at the end do anything?
What the fuck is going on?

Honestly, ours was not the only household that rewound the DVR as soon as the show was over praying that something effed up and the writers hadn’t jobbed us like that. That ending was so bad, I want to kick Steve Perry’s ass just for writing Don’t Stop Believing. Who are these smug cockmonkeys who sat around and decided it was OK to end the show with no resolution like that? There better be a story on E! within the next week that Gandolfini showed up two weeks in a row so blackfaced that they couldn’t film that last scene so they had no option but to cut off like that. Just a total lack of respect shown by those involved in making that show towards the TV viewing public. You friggin assholes. Just totally roshambeaux-ed us (that’s right- french style because french is much smuggier than english)

Further, who does HBO think they are? You put on a show starring two actors who haven’t seen work in a decade (Dylan McKay and that babysitter from Hand that Rocks the Cradle, whatever her name is) after the Series Finale of Sopranos. There we were last week talking about how that was the greatest time slot of all time because everyone and their mother was going to be watching that finale and would probably stick around to see what Jack Natti was all about. Well fuck Jack Natti. Assuming most households around the country are like ours, the volume got turned down and there was a solid 20 minute circle-jerk over how sweet it would be to run over the lead Sopranos writers head with a Ford Explorer, Phil-styles. You bastards.

So anyways, the Sopranos is over, and we can all just pray that the ass-bags who wrote that finale never get work again. I can just see them yukking it up last night while smelling their own farts and chewing cigars. Well congrats, ladies. In lieu of the Emmy you most certainly won’t be receiving, let us bestow upon you this weeks Smuggly. May you all go fuck yourselves.