The Celebrity Hot Box

Boxy Brown, currently the sole female member of the Brahsome crew, follows celebrity gossip like it’s her job. As long as her actual employer is still paying her salary, we at Brahsome.com get to reap the rewards of the free internet access they provide her with as she keeps herself abreast of all the celeb happenings. Then, she’s nice enough to share with us (and you, her faithful following) all that she’s learned and what she thinks about it. This week Boxy gets bullet crazy but eventually hugs it out. Bitch. She opens up her box after the jump.
Care To Get Nice?

Well here is the deal this week – I would honestly rather have my leg severed than talk about that flabby lip sloot again so lets just do a very quick bulleted rundown and then we can move on:• The stale snatch went back in the slammer because the judge could give two shits less and bottom line is nothing was wrong with her except she was scared someone would try to eat her out at recess. I got news for you sweetie – even those 6’1” 330 linebackers in there don’t eat their steak well done. No matter how hard some people might actually be, everyone wants a little pink in the center and I’ll put money on the fact yours turned gray by the time you were 12.
• Her family and friends keep breaking in line when going to visit her. I cannot wait for the day one of these women, going to visit her cousin that is in for stealing a car so the family could eat, gets a hold of sweet, sweet Kathy. Let me tell you something Kat – this mother of 13 has about 45 more minutes before it is time to go back to work at the tire and service center at Wal-Mart so unless you want a homemade shank through your Chanel suit you best go to the back of the line bitch.
• All and all, whatever, who cares—she’s in there. All we can do is hope during these next few weeks her tan fades, her extensions come loose, her nails chip and we can taunt her with the ole “they’re all gonna laugh at you!” jokes.

There are not many things to report in the world of celebrity because they all got the memo that no matter what wall they ran into after doing blow with Jeremy Piven in the bathroom of Bungalow 8, who got knocked up by someone they costarred with on One Tree Hill, or even who got married on a secluded island (much like the one in Lost yet the choppers still seem to find them) would not matter since Ms. Hilton is back at the Big House – no publicity for you guys WONK WONK. So today is dedicated to the celebrity that really burns me up (which there are a many more but this one is just about #1 on my hit list)
• As mentioned above, Sir Jeremy Piven – who the hell told him he is the same age as the rest of the cast on Entourage. Stop acting like you are 26. He is like 50, not really, 42 but still. After you are 40 it is not cute to:
A. Bring you mother to a premier. Come on, everyone knows people do that to get laid and you could have just stayed at the retirement home you went to pick her up at to get laid you douche.
B. Unbutton the 3rd button. Your chest hair is gray and falling out. I need you to tell me who tells you that it is very good-looking.
C. The whole big tie thing he tries to pull off. Big bulky tie peeping out of his sweater. You are not British. Stop acting like you are British.
D. Painters hats and tight boy tees are for teens and gays, not you Mr. Piven.

Look, I’m sorry to be so hard on the guy but someone has to tell him. And for some reason it seems his entire support group of family and friends hate him enough to allow him to go prancing around the neighborhood like that. Give the guy a fighting chance and tell him men his age wear Dockers (weekend fit) and polos.

I won’t argue he carries the show but you can’t argue that when you turn on the TV and see him being a real ass on E! it makes you cringe. Until next week friends.