Celebrity Hot Box 7/5

We thank you all for patiently waiting. Boxy’s back from her sea(men) sickness and ready to dispense with the celebrity bru-ha-ha and whatnot, including most of the regulars and a pregnant Ethiopian. First though, she talks about independence and may or may not delve into some major self-esteem issues after that. And since she quit putting out, we don’t have to throw her a fake “Noooo, you’re not fat” anymore, either.
Care To Get Nice?

First off I would like to say I hope everyone kept it independent yesterday. Also our girl wrote us a sweet little 4th message on myspace. Paris lets us know to just sorta you know play it cool and have a DD while celebrating. Thank doll. Until I read that I was going to get shitcanned, put the top down and take a lot of chances. A true humanitarian that girl.

Nicole Ritchie is supposedly pregnant. That is going to be pretty awkward when the kid comes out of the womb weighing more than mom and we will not even scratch the surface about what this kid is going to do about breast feeding. She would be better of renting an overweight 8 year old boy for the kid to suck teet than the poor thing trying to get a drop out of that cutting board.

Speaking of cutting boards, Lins got take a break from working that razor back and forth across her wrist to, according to perezhilton, “chain smoke…flirt up a storm with the male partygoers” and hang out with Paris and sister Nicky. Seriously, what down-on-her-luck whore won’t these sluts befriend in order to get some publicity? The really effed up thing is that Lohan had her own party…in rehab. What the hell, trig??? Go get your shit clean, give your snatch an effing break for a few weeks and try to figure out what the hell is wrong with your life (hint: too much cocaine and penis).

I also wanted to give a quick insight to Boxy’s new day job status. First I am gaining weight exponentially. I was driving home the other day and could literally feel my second chin dropping. If you have never felt this it is a very weird feeling. The company offers a gym membership. I signed up and currently sitting here at the end of the day thinking of all the reasons I can’t go. There is nothing sadder than realizing you are straight lying to yourself about yourself. I am looking down at my thighs right now going well they don’t look too much bigger than before and then reality hits and I see the arm to my chair is hiding half of my 80 year old tree trunk. The only thing I can be excited about is my titties are growing. Well I guess if this turned into a straight “titty effing only world” I would be just fine. It is time for a change. Anyone out there feeling down on their appearance please ask yourself the following question – “Would I have sex with myself when blackout and be mortified in the morning?”. If the answer is yes I think you know what needs to be done.