Wrap it up, I’ll fake it (surely you recall the fabulous T-Birds, right?)

Remember back in high school when you were first learning about box-smashing and one of the hardest parts was getting that damned wrapper off the rubber? Well apparently, it’s all too easy these days. Over 100,000 condoms were returned to the health department in DC recently for having faulty wrappers. The city instituted a project appropriately titled “Coming Together To Stop HIV in DC” (appropriately titled because we all know the only way you and her are ‘coming together’ is if you’ve got that plastic wrap dulling your D). However, the project hasn’t been as successful as hoped, mainly because people stopped taking and using the condoms. The reason for the low reponse- bad packaging. The wrappers weren’t made of the standy foil or plastic like the Trojans and Lifestyle we all know and love (hate). Rather, they were made of yellow and purple paper, which easily tore in pockets and purses. Also, the expiration date was sometimes illegible, and we all know that the first thing you do when you’re about to put on a jimmy cap is check that expiration date. Shockingly, the condoms were made in China. Now we’d think if there’s anyone who knows about population control, it’s China, and it’s 1.3 billion residents. In hopes of thrusting the program back into high gear, the health department has announced it will have a contest for the future packaging design and name. We can’t wait to get our hands on some Washington Wanker Wrappers or some District Dong Defenders. Would a Capitol City Coitus Control Cap be too much?