Boxy, Bitches. Return of the Hot Box

Girl, Girl, Girl Boxy is back and can’t get the words out fast enough. Someone out there tell a sister they saw the VMAs. Can I just say two words – Britney. Bitches. I mean who really throws out “insert your own name here – bitches”. That is even higher level than someone telling you that you are pretty and saying “I know”. I want someone to find me a girl with bigger balls than that. Home girl rolls out with a hair piece (which, P.S., who knew hair pieces could get nappy), sequined lingerie and stripper boots. I guess she didn’t have time to run by the fax to get the memo she is about the size of a baby calf. I hope that I at least have 2 or 3 friends out there that if I tried to walk out of the house in that would open hand slap me straight across my face. I am personally asking in this column for any friends that I have reading this article if this situation happens to me look me dead in the eye and say “grow up and stop acting like you work at that rundown whore house on the outskirts of any large city where the parking lot is made for only 18 wheelers.” She knew she was doing this show for a while now, I’m sure, and the way I see it she has two very logical things she could have done:


1) ( Easy) Cover-up. If you have to walk into the sex shop and ask for a sequined bra but request that it has a breast feeding flap that’s a red flag you might should regroup and buy a different outfit.
2) Get some sort of surgery and use the left over fat to make a bear suit. We all saw Tara do it and no it didn’t work out great but at least she gave it the ole college try.

I would not unload on Brit if she’d been honest with me in the beginning. Let’s all think back years and years ago when we saw the birth of Brit, Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, etc. Brit came out with “Hey, I’m just a good ole girl that has never even had anyone see my vagina and I am going to keep it that way until I find that one special boy to call my husband”. Aguilera came out with “Listen, Ladies I am going to let any man with a rod of substantial size jam it in all orifices I have and I will let your mother watch me drink the leftovers.” So my point here is I respect the shit out of Aguilera because she let us know from the beginning she was going to be a hungry raging trash whore from day one and Brit lied to all of us. For this reason I do not feel bad about the way I feel.