Rather than spend this Thursday afternoon choking down turkey with a fake smile on his face watching teams compete in the game from which he’s been banned, Vick has decided to spend Thanksgiving behind bars.
During the MNF game tonight, ESPN reported that Vick had turned himself over to federal marshals, who no doubt consider themselves the Tommy Lee Joneses of law enforcement.
But why?
This choice to voluntarily surrender one’s freedom days before the second most important U.S. holiday (I think the 4th of July gets the nod there) is a slap in the face to pilgrims, Native Americans, the descendants of Christopher Columbus, and most importantly, turkeys.
But Brahsome.com believes there is more to the story than just a sudden quest for containment. The embattled quarterback recently accepted an offer from PETA to attend an eight-hour class on animal cruelty. They no doubt played up the fact that he has played for both the Atlanta Falcons and Virginia Tech Hokies. . .while no one outside of Blacksburg knows or cares what a Hokie is exactly, Turkeys are often associated with the university. So we can only assume that some long haired Vegan cornered him during the first tofu break and got into his ear, playing up the ever powerful “protect the poultry” card.
After completing the course last month, Vick has apparently emerged a new man. Not known for making great decisions in the past, it has taken great patience and self-control to keep the plans for this one man war on Thanksgiving under wraps…and this speaks volumes for those behind the scenes at PETA who were able to take over Michael Vick’s mind.
Rivaled only by the Scientologists in there use of mind control and brain washing, PETA has successfully taken a ruthless, dog fight promoting ne’er-do-well and turned him into an animal rights activist volunteering for early confinement. Incredible.
There are a few very unconfirmed reports that upon his release from prison Vick will appear naked along side Alicia Silverstone in the next batch of “I am a Vegetarian” ads.
