Morning Wood: Watching Oklahoma Lose

You already know I’m a Texas fan. An alumnus. A fanatic. I love the Horns. I love when we win. I bitch and moan when we lose. That’s what being a fan is. Stamos, Brinson, and The Piler love NC State. We don’t shy away from our respective squads. We don’t hide our biases when we write our stories. We’re not actually journalists, so we don’t have to.

Being the devoted fans that we are, we also have schools that we loath. Despise. Hate. For the other brahs, it’s Carolina. For this guy, it’s Okla-fucking-homa. They’re awful. They really are.

Their mascot is the Sooner, which comes from the cheaters who entered into Unassigned Land in Oklahoma prior to President Benjamin Harrison opening it to settlement in 1889. They cheated. They got there early and settled land that wasn’t theirs. They would sneak in under the cover of darkness (often called ‘moonshiners’ because they snuck in by the light of the moon), hide in the ditches at night, and then suddenly appear on staked out homesteads hours before those settlers who had followed the rules. So…yeah. They’re cheating ways go back to the 19th century. Nice tradition.

But that’s old news. No one really cares that their institution uses liars and cheaters as their mascot. That was well over a hundred years ago. It’s not like their student athletes would ever cheat or steal. What is news, though, is that bl0wU just lost their 4th straight BCS bowl.

Big Game Bob’s bowl record is now 3-5. Some highlights include a 55-19 loss to USC in the 2005 Orange Bowl, losing to Trick Play University in the Fiesta Bowl last year, and then last night’s 20-point loss to WV, a university that has been in a state of chaos for the last few weeks and was led by an interim head coach.

I know some readers are going to point out that he has more Big XII titles than Mack does. And his record against Texas is 6-3. I know this. Trust me. I’m well aware of this. At no point in this article am I nominating Mack Brown for Coach of the Year. Lloyd Carr already has that trophy in his case. What I am doing, though, is pointing to my biggest rival and giving them the Nelson ‘haha.’

On any given year, blowU’s roster is stacked with Texas athletes. Traitors. Adrian Peterson is from Palestine, Texas. He went to zeroU because he felt Stoops gave him a better shot at winning a national title. Instead, Black Jebus took Texas to the promise land and Peterson was left with only a Holiday Bowl win over Oregon…which was later taken off the books by the NCAA because of Bomar’s financial indiscretions.

Any time they’re celebrating, they flash the horns down…even when they’re not playing against us. On national signing day, they have their new recruits flashing horns down in the picture. On the day they sign with Oklahoma. A day that should have nothing to do with us. But they live to be better than us in football (Texas leads the all-time series 57-40-5). That’s all they have. They live in Jokelahoma.

Basically, what I’m getting at here is that I fucking hate those guys and watching them once again embarrass themselves on national television by losing a huge game in which they were favored to win, well, it’s fucking fantastic. Couple that with our big win over Arizona State in the Holiday Bowl and you’ve got a pretty solid bowl season thus far. Was I excited Texas gave the Red River Shootout away this year and handed Bob another Big XII title? Hell no. Is it nice to know that Mack Brown has won only ONE conference title in his entire career, and only then won it because Black Jebus was in the back field? Hell no. But that’s not the point. The point is I got to fall asleep last night with a smile on my face because once again Big Game Bob got his ass handed to him on national television. Suck it Okies.

Maybe Texas should start trying to play them in January instead of October.

What do weed and Bob Stoops have in common? They both get smoked in bowls.

Mucho take it easy.