Morning Wood: Rob, Big, and Major

As Stamos mentions below, Ms. Ambrosio decided, instead of saving herself for me, she would rather give her sweet, sweet loving to some Johnny Swingcock that no one has ever heard of. Obviously I’m a little hurt, but the best thing to do in situations like this is to have a clean break. Both parties go their separate ways and not look back. So that’s what we’re doing. It’s a sad day, friends.

Let’s move on to some happier topics. Like sports (Major comes home!) and reality TV (Rob and Big).

Normally, I don’t back reality TV. I’ve never backed The Hills or Laguna Beach or any of those shows where extremely wealthy 16, 17 and 18 year olds act like their beachside community is the center of the universe and whether or not the right d-bag invites them to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance is something the general pubic should give a shit about.

That being said, about two months ago while in the midst of an epic pile in Austin, Texas I was hipped to a reality TV show that I could back. And it now completely owns my DVR list. Rob and Big.

I realize I’m way behind on this, but, like I said, I have never been a fan of Reality TV so I just lump them all into the same “DO NOT WANT” category…but that was a mistake. This little gem on MTV (Tuesday nights) is one of the funniest 30 minute segments on TV right now. A new season just started (I honestly have no idea which season it is), so not only am I catching up on hours of hilarity via the re-runs on MTV2 that have exploded on to my DVR list, but I also get to see the new episodes each week. Do I feel kind of geigh for being excited about a reality show? Absolutely. But I have to be honest with myself. I laugh almost as hard during the turtle race, Big Black’s Strip Tease, buying a mini-horse, teaching Meaty to skateboard, and just about every time I hear BB say “do work, son!” as I do during an episode of Family Guy. I’m not saying they’re up there with 30 Rock or even The Office, but I am saying if you don’t laugh when you see a 360 lb guy in a g-string saying, “my moves are crisp. I can shake the beef, son!” then, well, you might need to find a new blahg.

Now for your weekly University of Texas moment. 3/4 of this blahg is NCSU. 1/4 of this blahg in Texas. I have to get mine in when I can.

The University of Texas is set to announce at some point today or tomorrow that Major Applewhite will be joining Mack Brown’s staff as Assistant Head Coach/RBs Coach. From what I gather, the Asst. Head Coach title is strictly for salary purposes, as Major was an OC at Alabama under Nick Satan Saban and coming to Texas as the RBs Coach wouldn’t exactly be a promotion, or even a lateral move. So we’re taking care of our boy. That’s how we do…son!

I think I can speak for a majority of Texas fans when I say we’re pretty stoked on this new hire. After kind of shitting the bed in the 07-08 season, our program was in need of a big time boost and Mack has delivered. We upset ASU in the Holiday Bowl, when we could have easily cashed in our chips and called it a year. We played with a fire the fans hadn’t seen all season. Then Mack went out and grabbed defensive coordinator Will ‘BOOM, MFers!’ Muschamp from the Auburn Tigers…and now he has brought home one of the most beloved Longhorns not named Earl or Vince.

Most of the country remembers the Chris Simms years at Texas…not for our success, but for the unbelievable fallout of a quarterback controversy that could not have been handled worse. Major was coming off a damn good season and sat atop the record books as UT’s all-time leader in passing yards (8,353), passing touchdowns (60), passing attempts (1,065), and total offense (8,059), but was benched his senior season as Mack chose Simms, a true freshman, and basically divided the fanbase right in half. Simms went on to a decent career, but never really lived up to the hype of a #1 QB…and Applewhite went down as a fan favorite who was sacrificed for Simms’ potential. As the saying goes, the most popular guy on a struggling team is the second string quarterback.

So now, at age 29 Major has returned to the 40 Acres. He was the Syracuse QBs coach in 05, the Rice OC in 06 (youngest coach in Div I), and the OC at Bama in 07. After three jobs in three years, let’s hope Major can put some roots down in Tejas and re-establish himself as solid member of the Texas Longhorns football program. A program that hasn’t exactly been able to build on the momentum of the 2005 National Championship. We need some ‘new’ blood in the booth and Mack has delivered on both sides of the ball. August can’t get here fast enough.

Mucho take it easy.

Tagged as: , Alessandra Ambrosio, Auburn Tigers, Major Applewhite, Reality TV, Rob and Big, Texas Football, Will Muschamp