With Super Sunday fast approaching, it seems appropriate to rant for a few lines about Chili, the greatest food anyone could ever eat while piling / watching football. This weekend, along with Masters weekend, represent the finest in chili-eating opportunities. Just the idea of throwing a bunch of shit in a huge pot and stirring it periodically for several hours with constant taste tests is making this writer giddy. Though no one is a huge fan of the post-chili o-blow-a-thon, we all know it’s totally worth it. Stamos is fairly convinced he can make a meaner pot of chili than anyone you know, and I’ll share with you the recipe after the jump.
There’s probably a million ways to make chili. The 2 alarm, the 3 alarm, the 4 alarm, the 5 alarm, the white, the brown, the red. By the way, how do you decide how many alarms your chili contains? Is there some sort of international standard on what constitutes an alarm? I personally prefer a chili with some kick, but not so much that you have to go to the store specifically to buy the aloe and vitamin E infused TP for the burning utah the next morning. That said, to each his own. Some guys like it en fuego, some guys like to tame it down a bit. Here’s how Mos does his thing (with quantity not disclosed so as to preserve the chances of Stamos winning his office’s chili cookoff on Friday- though if anyone from the office read Brahsome, Stamos would have more significant issues than winning a chili cook-off…)
Black Beans
Pinto Beans
Chili Beans
Red, Green, and Yellow Bell peppers
Beef (actually, Stamos is using venison for the cook-off, but either way)
Jalapenos
Onions
Corn (the kind that comes on a cob, but removed from said cob)
Then, you chop it all up, and mix it in a big ass pot. Stir constantly for about 6 hours. Then (and this is the secret that will have all your friends talking) about 20 minutes before you serve, chop up some granny smith apples and toss them sumbitches in. I know, it sounds crazy. But that little tangy flavor rush against the soft sting of the chili will blow doors. Trust me.
Think you’ve got a better recipe than that? Post in the comments, and we’ll totally steal it from you.
And, just for shits and giggles, here’s a nice little Simpsons clip of Homer in a musical montage based on his eating the Guatemalan Insanity Pepper.
