Morning Wood- Brahliticians Have It All

Is it just me, or does it seem that more and more politicians are coming (or is that cumming?) out of the woodwork lately in scandals involving tapping extramarital ass?  Your boy Eliot Spitzer got caught up laying his pipe into a hot little $5K a night number who, it turns out, has also been plowed by Charlie “I’ve never met a hooker I wouldn’t bend over” Sheen.  And damn, Charlie- having two bitches dressed up like cheerleaders chant “Charlie, Charlie he’s our man, if he can’t do it no one can” while you steamroll their colon is nice work, son.  James McGreevey has come out (of the closet) and confirmed former reports that he and his driver used to double-team his wife during what they called the “Friday Night Special.”  Before these guys were Larry Craig (The Toe-tapper), Mark Foley (The Texter), Gary Condit (The Guy Who Had His Whore Murdered To Save His Own Ass), Bill Clinton (The Smoker).  Everywhere you look these days, some guy with a big office getting paid by my tax dollars is pulling side-ass and getting reamed for it.

What happened to the good old days when we expected our leaders to milk their post for everything it was worth.  Shit- congressmen these days don’t make that much cash, but they have to make decisions that affect us all every day.  If someone’s gotta have their finger on the proverbial button, I prefer it be a guy who’s gotten his jolly’s off in the last few days to someone stuck in a fruitless, stale marriage to some Kennedy cousin.  Speaking of the Kennedy’s, they were the poster children for using their status for personal gain.  You want to talk about a political powerhouse of a family?  Talk about a couple of brother’s who shared Marilyn Monroe’s box and a cousin who got in a wreck while backfaced with some randie steez and just left her in the car.  That’s as American as it gets

So as we proceed in this election year, in the time of Fox News and TMZ getting all the dirt on the guys in charge, just remember: banging out hot young numbers is part of what being a politician is al about.  Why do you think half of African Americans have Washington and Jefferson as their last name?  Because they had such respect for those men?  Or because Tommy and George knocked up their great, great, great grannies on the side?  I rest my case.