I don’t really expect this blog post to be funny. I’d like it to be, but at this point I’m too frustrated by watching the baseball games that I did not prefer — as opposed to, you know, the team I actually pull for — on television all night. Don’t get me wrong: Weaver v. Horse/the return of Torii Hunter and Oswalt v. Peavy have been great. And honestly, I was too cracked out from running two live blogs at one time (and yes, it’s like the equivalent of having a threesome with yourself in basement + pajamas).
But that doesn’t excuse Time Warner from giving me at least some reasonable possibility of getting to see baseball. And I’m not even asking for free fucking baseball, like the preview they usually give every year. I’m talking about, let me call you up and place an order for 150 GD dollars worth of paid, overcharged shitty FOX affiliate stations, and then you probably cost me a few games a year because I live too close to my favorite team.
Needless to say, as you can see from the somewhat rudimentary graph/map/shitty paintshop job above, under my Time Warner “system”, I am ineligible to get not only my lifelong favorite Braves, but also: the Washington Nationals, the Baltimore Orioles and the Cincifuckingnati Reds. Why on Urf would I want to watch the Reds in the first place? I don’t care for them to begin with, I’m not dumb enough to take the over on their games won this year, and … well, look, Time Warner, get your act together. If DirecTV flashes one more $100 Papa John’s gift card in my face over the next week and I still can’t watch the Braves play, well, you and I are finished.
