Word is leaking out that Hugh Hefner, the Most High Brah, is considering shutting down the continuous slew of high profile parties at the Playboy mansion. Hefner, possibly the only man to ever have plowed women enough to match his age cubed (quick math: 83*83*83= 571,787… that sounds about right) appears to be finally settling down.
Well fuck you, Hef. We never got our invitation. When do we get the pleasure of a low-yeb in the grotto from some broken-english speaking model / actress? When do we get to shake hands with Bill Maher as he cynically looks over our shoulder at the bunny he plans on making a rear entry into deep in the coat check? When do we get to see Corey Haim get humiliatingly denied entry into yet another A-list Hollywood event? Never, we guess. And that’s some bullshit, Hef. At least let Cooper and Marston keep throwing bashes at the bunny’s place. Those kids probably aren’t even in quadruple digits yet.
