Local watering hole Fosters Gone Ugly held a wet t-shirt contest this past Thursday night. Anticipation grew through out the week as word began to spread about the event. Fosters Gone Ugly was once a bar that I frequented often, but has since gone through many incarnations and lost my business. With most of my friends on the downslope of their twenties, weeknight blacking is an endangered species. I rolled in around 10:30 and guys I haven’t seen in months were coming out of the woodwork. Apparently, taters are still are a rallying cry for the weeknight warrior scene. You could hear groans throughout the bar when word slipped out that the contest would not begin until after midnight. People may have been bitching about having to get up early the next day, but we all knew deep down that no one was going anywhere with the promise of taters. I got tired of hanging witht the riff-raff that frequents Fosters after some guy came around literally begging for a “couple of bucks” to get a “PBR” and wandered next door to skeeze on strange tell people how much I miss my lady friend living in a different town.
I lost track of time and it was suddenly after midnight so I cruised back to the scene of the anticipated crime to find a mob of doods around the stage with the contest in full force. For starters, I’ve never seen a bigger collection of whores in my entire life. Most of them were tatted up and not what I would call Grade C, but nobody really cares when they take their clothes off. I’m not quite sure what the bigger spectacle was, the hookers on stage or the crowd. For instance, our boy Bon Jerry (we’ve changed the name to protect his innocence) stood most of the night with one foot on stage staring, dancing and making gestures towards the ladies like he thought he was invisible. You can seem him in some of the pics below. I’m guessing some of these girls needed to get the lights turned back on in their trailers because they were going all out and one upping each other. Fosters raffled off tickets to throw the water on the dancers.
The highlight of the night was when the eventual winner jumped off the wall, kicked her legs up, went on the sripper pole upside down and began to twirl down. That was impressive enough, but there’s more. She lost her grip and fell off the pole landing on her head. The entire crowd lost it, but it gets even better. Right after she hit the floor with tits flopping everywhere, our boy Chuck comes flying in with a bucket of water and dumps the whole thing on her and then breaks out into a dance on stage. Words cannot describe the scene.
After all the contestants had a chance to show off their goods, they all came back out and it turned into a free for all. Music was blaring and they were grinding all over the judges and audience, with some pulling back the drapes so to speak, and water flying everywhere. I looked over to see my roommate stuffing 1 dollar bills down bitches’ panties. Needless to say it was the best Thursday night I’ve had in a long time. Check out some more grainy pics from my buddy’s camera phone.
