Francisco Santos Calderón, the vice-president of Colombia, recently released some information that he hopes will enlighten users about the impact their white bags are having on the environment, taking a unique approach to curb the use of cocaine in high society.
According to Calderón, every time you and your boys grab a couple of grams to go party with a hand full of 22 year-old babygirls, or buy an 8-ball and spend 4 hours arguing about whether or not the Talking Heads was the best band of all time then attempt to pay hookers with patio furniture, you’re slowly killing the rainforests and the Colombian government would like you to stop.
“These people, who have good jobs and drive a hybrid car or cycle to work because they care about the environment, may go to party and do some lines of coke and they are thinking it is no problem,” Francisco Santos told The Associated Press Tuesday. “They are absolutely unaware of the ecological impact of their drug taking and we want to change that.”
Calderón and his staff, all of whom will probably be brutally assassinated by an angry drug cartel for their fight against cocaine use, estimate that each gram of cocaine purchased required about 4.8 acres of rainforest to be produced, with about 5.44 million acres having been destroyed for the production of coca over the last two decades. Hay dios mio.
“Cocaine is seen as the champagne of drugs and people who would not take heroin or amphetamines take cocaine and say there are no victims, but there are,” Santos said. “We want to show them destroyed rain forests, wasted land. Maybe if they don’t care about their own brains they care about this.”
So, to all the liberal, tree-hugging casual cocaine users out there, here’s your chance to make a difference. Buy organic. Recycle your bottles of your microbrew. Choose Paper not plastic. If it’s yellow let it mellow. Snort Meth not Coke.