White nose syndrome — it could be affecting a cave near you. That’s right, your local neighborhood family of bats could be in danger, and it’s all because of the same thing that’s afflicted countless people for years: cocaine.
Although I’m sure “science” will tell you differently:
White-nose syndrome is exactly that. The noses of the bats display a white dusty fungus during their hibernation. The fungus is just enough of an irritant to keep the bats from entering the deep slumber of hibernation, and they expend valuable energy reserves.As a result, when spring comes and the bats emerge from their cave sleeping places, they don’t have the strength to survive until the insect population arrives for supper.
Of course, as we all know, the jury’s still out on science. And why shouldn’t it be? You expect me to believe that this crazy, random white “fungus” that ends up on bats’ noses “irritates” them, and then causes them to stay awake and die of exhaustion?
Because, call me crazy, but that sounds a lot like the movie Blow. And every other weeknight in Chapel Hill. But the government doesn’t see it that way; no, sir. They think it’s worth throwing ONE POINT NINE MILLIONS DOLLARS at. Yup, the economy is so stable and the unemployment rate is so low that we, as a nation, have approved $1.9 million in order to research why bats (BATS!) are doing too much choch. Fan-freaking-tastic, Obama.
