I’ve never donated sperm. (Seriously, I haven’t. Stop looking at me like that.) So how do I know the valuation of each pile of baby batter? Because I visited HowMuchIsMySpermWorth.com, that’s how!
And it turns out, well, I have decent baby-making potential. Provided that you believe “decent” also equates to a “four dollar hooker” — my sperm is worth $40 per, um, load. Now, you’re probably wondering, how does this work? Well, you hit up the website and you’re asked a series of questions about your physical appearance, your family history, your genes, your personality and your history as a criminal.
Stamos and the Piler will tell you that their semen is worth less (only $25, bwahahahahahahahaha) because I told the site I have “never committed a crime,” which is true. Well, it’s true that I told the site that — obviously I’ve committed a crime or two; but I presumed that they were asking “have you ever been convicted of a crime, just like whenever I apply for jobs.
Besides, I’m of “pure race” and “not Ginger” and, um, yeah. Anyway, that’s how I scored $40 for my sperm and I won’t let anyone tell me differently. Leave the cost of your seamen in the comments.
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I’d like to see Brinson’s answers. For one thing, I bet he listed himself in the 5′ 9″ to 5′ 11″ category, which would be false. I bet he also said no balding because the guy does have a head full of hair, but it says immediate family and Papa Brinson’s mane has seen better days. Not to mention I’ve watched the guy commit enough crimes to make Jack McCoy blush.
Wait, you’re trying to say that I’m SHORTER than 5′9″? Get the fuck out. As for balding, well, that wasn’t natural. It was brought on by the whole crimes issue.
His sperm is NOT worth $40 per load. I promise.