Earlier this week, a drunken 4-year-old boy, wearing a girl’s dress and holding a beer, was caught stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors at 1:45am. No, this wasn’t a midget little person just getting off from their shift as a mall Christmas elf; this was an actual 4-year-old child.
“The report said Hayden snuck into a neighbor’s house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts. One was a girl’s brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him.”
April Wright, his 21-year-old mother (yes, she had him at the age of 17) was unsure of how her 4-year-old son, Hayden Wright, was able to leave her house.
“Kids do things like this and it’s out of your control, you can do the best you can as a mother, everyone makes mistakes, it was an honest mistake,” said the mother.
An honest mistake? Out of your control? No, an honest mistake is forgetting to change your Fantasy Football lineup before 1:00pm on Sunday or forgetting to record the new episode of Jersey Shore (thank you MTV, you never let me down). Letting your kid cross dress and wander around the neighborhood looking for houses to rob is not an honest mistake. How out of control can a 4-year-old be? You simply do what my parents did when I was that age; lock me in my room until I fell asleep. I can’t imagine what kind of trouble this kid is going to get into when he learns how to read, although by that time he may be old enough to live on his own.
Regarding the beer that Hayden was holding when caught, Wright said, “He got it out of my father’s cooler in the back and how he got it open I don’t understand because it was one of those tab beers.” He’s four years old, not retarded. It isn’t that difficult to open a can of beer. I’m more surprised that he made it out of the house.
Apparently, his father is currently in jail and has nine charges against him, including: possession of drugs, driving under the influence, aggravated burglary, and theft. April said, “He thinks his father’s a hero”, and assumes Hayden was trying to get in trouble in order to spend time with his father……in jail. To dig deeper, this top-notch news team brought in a psychologist. Dr. Tim Sizemore was able to tell us that, “If they have a parent that has more of a criminal lifestyle, and they get to see more of that or be exposed to more of that, um, that can have more of an impact.” Really Freud, you needed an effing degree to tell us that? I would tear up a bit at the fact that a 4-year-old boy just wants to spend Christmas with his father (in jail), but I don’t care about people who are horrendously ruining the gene pool.
After assuring reporters that she “wouldn’t let this happen again” and meeting with child protective services, April will get to keep custody of Hayden, the four year old, cross dressing, alcoholic, Christmas thief. This really is a Christmas miracle after all.
