This isn’t new, but it’s awesome.  Transcript provided below.

Oh, Brah. It’s just like… Dude, you get the best barrels ever, dude. It’s just like… you pull in, and you just get spit right out of ‘em. And you just drop in, and just smack the lip: whapp-aah! You drop down: Sam-bahhh! And then, after that, you just drop in, and just ride the barrel and get pitted; so pitted like that.

We’ve told you about The Foggy Monocle before, so it shouldn’t come as a shock that when we’re too lazy to write anything, we’d turn to them to fill the void.  And while almost all of their material is gold mine, their post from yesterday was too good to ignore.  Enjoy.

MaiThaiMaster: holy shit
MaiThaiMaster:  i just got into the office
MaiThaiMaster:  WTF happened last night? 
MaiThaiMaster:  there was dried blood in my hair this morning
MaiThaiMaster:  i mean FUCK
Accomplice: haha oh boy….
Accomplice:  you really want to know? 
MaiThaiMaster:  yes. one moment we’re casually drinking mai thai’s at the bar
MaiThaiMaster:  and the next i’ve suddenly time warped to this morning
MaiThaiMaster:  where i am lying on my couch, still in my clothes and covered in steak fries from the diner 
MaiThaiMaster:  and i have a head injury
Accomplice:  hahahaha
MaiThaiMaster:  oh and the DVD menu of temple of doom is playing on repeat 
MaiThaiMaster: i cant get the indy theme music out of my head
MaiThaiMaster:  and my head is pounding
Accomplice:  well Mario, a lot transpired before you warped through the plumbing pipe 
MaiThaiMaster:  oh shit, please tell me i defeated king koopa and fucked the princess
Accomplice:  hahaha, far from it…

Accomplice:  you were going crazy with the mai thai’s 
Accomplice: you thought it was hilarious we were drinking them 
Accomplice:  you kept screaming “I feel like warren zevon on holiday!” 
Accomplice:  whatever the fuck that means
Accomplice: and telling the bartender you were going to buy the place and turn it into a Trader Vic’s and only serve Mai Thais
MaiThaiMaster:  oh god, the lunacy of it all
Accomplice:  so you were getting visibly drunk
Accomplice:  finally you fell off your stool 
MaiThaiMaster:  oh fuck, that explains the blood on my head? 
Accomplice:  exactly, you were a little banged up
Accomplice:  best part is you get up 
Accomplice:  calmly sit back down and look at the bartender who is staring at you with a mixture of shock and disdain
Accomplice:  raise your index finger and kinda swirl it in a loop and say:
Accomplice:  “just keep the mai thais coming”
MaiThaiMaster:  jesus
Accomplice:  hahahaha, i died laughing
Accomplice:  the bartender didnt however, and he asked us to leave
Accomplice:  citing that you’d clearly had enough
Accomplice:  i couldn’t really argue with that logic 
Accomplice:  i figured the night was over and tried to put you in a cab on 2nd ave
Accomplice:  but you would have none of it 
Accomplice:  and insisted we go to some bar that your coworkers were at
MaiThaiMaster:  WHAT?!
MaiThaiMaster:  did we? 
Accomplice:  yep
MaiThaiMaster:  WHY? why would you let a man with a belly full of mai thais and a bleeding head call the shots??!!
Accomplice:  i guess i am just a pawn in your game
Accomplice:  plus you were enjoying yourself, as was I 
Accomplice:  so we went
Accomplice:  the place was cheesy as fuck
Accomplice:  bad music
Accomplice: murray hill meat heads everywhere 
Accomplice:  you immediately start dancing all nuts
Accomplice:  sticking your ass up in the air hoochie mama rap video style 
Accomplice: like mocking the music but more or less mocking yourself 
Accomplice:  demanding beers
Accomplice:  interrupting dart games 
Accomplice:  high fiving these dudes you work with who kept laughing at you 
MaiThaiMaster:  fuck me 
MaiThaiMaster:  i must have been so annoying, sorry….
Accomplice:  but the best part
Accomplice:  the part that convinced me I needed to get you in a cab for real
Accomplice:  was…
Accomplice:  and I feel bad even telling you this but I someone has to
MaiThaiMaster:  oh god
MaiThaiMaster:  OH GOD
MaiThaiMaster:  what? what the FUCK did I do? 
Accomplice:  hahahaha
Accomplice:  that bloodhound gang song came on
Accomplice:  remember the one from like 2000? 
Accomplice:  nothing but mammals or something? 
Accomplice:  one sec……
Accomplice:  this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTW8oUV8Aq0
Accomplice:  everyone started laughing 
Accomplice:  and you grabbed that chick you work with
MaiThaiMaster: who? kirsten*? 
Accomplice: yeah! 
MaiThaiMaster:  dude i dont like where this is going
MaiThaiMaster: I like her
Accomplice: oh believe me, THAT was apparent
MaiThaiMaster: goddamnit 
Accomplice:  so you guys started to dance to it, you’re spinning her
Accomplice:  she’s drunk too and at first it seems like you guys are just joking around
Accomplice: BUT
Accomplice:  then you start to slow dance with her, like a joke at first
Accomplice:  but then it is getting creepier and creepier 
Accomplice:  like you put your cheek on hers
Accomplice:  she starts looking back at us like WTF? 
MaiThaiMaster:  holy shit
Accomplice:  finally she pulls away, pats you on the back and leaves you on the dance floor
Accomplice:  and you have a boner
MaiThaiMaster:  WHAT? 
Accomplice:  i am serious, you are pitching a tent in front of the whole bar and everyone you work with
MaiThaiMaster:  that’s impossible
MaiThaiMaster:  you are fucking with me
MaiThaiMaster:  i dont believe it
MaiThaiMaster:  i cant get a boner when i am drunk
Accomplice:  believe it boner boy 
Accomplice:  IT HAPPENED
Accomplice:  that’s when I knew you had to leave
Accomplice:  i grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the bar
MaiThaiMaster:  wait, we left the bar holding hands and i had a boner? 
Accomplice:  hahaha yeah things got fucking weird 
Accomplice:  i should have given you a lollypop too and a ride home on the short bus 
MaiThaiMaster:  pffff are you fucking with me? 
MaiThaiMaster:  i am panic stricken right now
MaiThaiMaster:  please tell me you are joking, this is too impossible 
Accomplice:  i wish i was
MaiThaiMaster:  oh
MaiThaiMaster:  fuck
MaiThaiMaster:  OH FUCK
MaiThaiMaster:  i just got an email from Kirsten*, subject line, “quite the performance last night” 
MaiThaiMaster:  OMG
Accomplice:  hahahahahahaha
Accomplice:  i am dying
Accomplice: quit your job
Accomplice: what’s the email say? 
MaiThaiMaster signed off at 11:50 AM 

Words can’t describe how awesome this video is.  Seriously- we’ve been around for over two years, and there has never been a video more tailor-made for Brahsome than this.  A Handi-capped breakdance battle.  Oh, it’s on.

Randy Moss dropping knowledge. At the end of the day, I bet those gentlemen would prefer the ten grand to Randy shaking his dick, as he insinuates he may in the future.

Thanks to Willy for the video

Dear Connie:

Back to Gaya psp I know the counselor said we shouldn’t contact each other during our ‘cooling off’ period, but I couldn’t wait any more.

The day you left, I swore I’d never talk to you again, but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking.  Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.  In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me.  I guess my pride needed that.  But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things.  I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you. I don’t care about looking bad anymore.  I don’t care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.  Maybe it’s time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. This is what my heart says: “There’s no one like you Connie.  I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they’re not you.  They’re not even close.”

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me.  I don’t say this to hurt you, but to illustrate the depth of my desperation.  She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you.  I mean, just a perfect body.  Tits like you wouldn’t believe and an ass that just wouldn’t quit.  Every man’s dream, right?

As I lay on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, “look at the stuff we’ve made important in our lives.  It’s all so superficial.”  What does a perfect body mean?  Does it make her better in bed?  Well, in this case, yes, but you can see what I’m getting at.  Does it make her a better person?  Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie?  I doubt it.  And I’d never really thought of that before.  I don’t know, maybe I’m just growing up a little.

Later, when I’d tossed her about a half pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, “Why do I feel so drained and empty?”  It wasn’t just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else.  Some nagging feeling of loss.  Why did it feel so incomplete?  And then it hit me.  It didn’t feel the same because you weren’t there to watch.  Do you know what I mean?  Nothing feels the same without you.  Jesus, Connie.  I’m just going crazy without you.  And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year?  Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna.  She said she figured I wasn’t eating right without a woman around.  I didn’t know what she meant until later, but that’s not the real story.  Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we’re banging away in our old bedroom.  And this tart’s a total monster in the sack.  She’s giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she’s not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.  And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother’s old vanity.  So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves.  And it’s totally hot, but it makes me sad, too, because I can’t help thinking, “Why didn’t Connie ever put the mirror on the floor too?  We’ve had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy.”

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Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order.  I mean, Vicki’s just a kid and all, but she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she’s been a real friend to me during this painful time.  She’s given me lots of good advice about you and women in general.  She’s pulling for us to get back together, Connie.  She really is.

So we’re doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times.  Here’s this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can think is how much she looked like you when you were 18.  And that just about makes me cry.  And then it turns out that Vicki’s really into the whole anal thing; that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us.  But do you see how even then, when I’m thrusting inside your baby sister’s cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?  It’s true, Connie.  In your heart, you must know it.  Don’t you think we could start over?  Just wipe all the grievances away and start fresh?  I think we can.  If you feel the same, please, please, please let me know.

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth move Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?

Love,

Beowulf & Grendel

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Dan

Thanks to Icard for a heads up on this.

We’ll let TMZ tell the story:

Law enforcement sources tell us Kiefer Sutherland headbutted a man in New York City Monday night, causing lacerations on the man’s nose — all while defending the honor of one Brooke Shields … so he says.

He Was a Quiet Man dvd It happened at an after-party for the Met Costume Institute Gala Monday night. We’re told witnesses say the alleged victim — Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCullough — allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt.

A police report was taken and the incident is under investigation.

Complicating it for Kiefer — he’s on probation in L.A. for a DUI, and one of the terms is that he obey all laws. No word on whether L.A. prosecutors will pursue the matter.

TMZ

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Do yourself a favor and spend 5:37 with Danny MacAskill. Not only is this some of the most amazing work on a bicycle you’ll ever see, it’s also set to brahsome.com favorite Band of Horses…so it’s really pretty choice all the way around. This dude is un.freakin.believable.

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Here’s the background:

Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure release

Filmed over the period of a few months in and around Edinburgh by Dave Sowerby, this video of Inspired Bicycles team rider Danny MacAskill features probably the best collection of street/street trials riding ever seen. There’s some huge riding, but also some of the most technically difficult and imaginative lines you will ever see. Without a doubt, this video pushes the envelope of what is perceived as possible on a trials bike.

H/T: BDog

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Lolita move From Rolling Stone:

A spokesperson for Bob Dylan has confirmed online reports that nine of the 10 tracks from his forthcoming album Together Through Life were co-written by Grateful Dead lyricist Robert Hunter. The liner notes will read “All music by Bob Dylan except ‘My Wife’s Home Town’ (music by Bob Dylan and Willie Dixon) – All lyrics by Bob Dylan with Robert Hunter except ‘This Dream Of You’ which is lyrics and music by Bob Dylan.” Check the new issue of Rolling Stone for David Fricke’s review of the album.

On 1988’s Down In The Groove, Hunter received co-writing credits on the songs “Silvio” and “The Ugliest Girl In The World.” On that record and 1986’s Knocked Out Loaded Dylan wrote with a number of collaborators, but the only other time he wrote the vast majority of an album with someone else was 1976’s Desire — where all but two of the songs were written with Jacques Levy.

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Sounds great to me. BobbyD has spent the last, oh, fifty years or so proving he’s one of the best song writers ever, so bringing in another lyricist with an impressive resume should yield some beautiful songs. Can you imagine sitting in the studio with these two wordsmiths as they hashed out an album? Unreal.

Rolling Stone

Sophie Tucker is this little, four-legged badass pictured above. She survived four months on a remote island, feeding on baby goats, after she fell off of her family’s yacht. Here’s the story:

Sophie Tucker, named after the American vaudeville comedian, fell overboard from the family’s yacht when they ran into bad weather off the Queensland coastal town of Mackay.
Miss Griffith and her friends searched the area, putting their own lives at risk in the rough seas, but there was no sign of Sophie Tucker.

Unknown to them, the dog swam towards remote St Bees Island, a quiet volcanic strip of land fringed with reefs.

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On land there are rainforests and dense grasslands where koalas and wild goats live.

A handful of people living on the island reported seeing a dog running around, but assumed it was a feral animal.

When the bodies of several young goats were found, locals contacted wildlife rangers and word of a dog on the island reached the ears of Miss Griffith and her family.

‘We wondered whether it could be Sophie Tucker but thought ‘No way’.
‘She would have had to have swum through five miles of sea to get there and then work out how to survive.
‘It just couldn’t be her, we decided, but when we were told the dog had been caught and they were bringing it to the mainland we thought we should have a look.’

They waited at the marina as the rangers’ boat came in – and there in the cage was a grey and black dog.

‘We called her name and she went crazy – whimpering and banging on the cage, so they let her out and she ran over to us and almost knocked us over with excitement,’ Miss Griffiths said.

‘She’s settled in well back at home now. I think she’s appreciating the air conditioning.’

Locals said it was astonishing that Sophie Tucker had not been attacked by sharks.
Even though she was lost inside the Great Barrier Reef, which tends to keep sharks away from the coast, tiger sharks and hammerheads do swim through the coral – and dogs are at particular risk.
‘The smell of a wet dog is irresistible to a shark,’ said a fisherman.

‘You don’t often hear of dogs surviving if they decide to go for a bit of a swim. Even a big fish will have a go at their legs.

‘So for this dog to swim for five miles or so, and then swim a bit between islands, is incredible. She’s a very lucky animal.’

MailOnline.co.uk

Pretty awkward interview by Billy Bob for a Toronto radio station.

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He’s an Acadamy Award winning movie star, writer, and musician who has Angelina Jolie as one of the many skins on his wall PLUS he’s rude to Canadians. Add to this the fact that his band’s name is The Boxmasters which, in our world The Sun Also Rises full movie , is about as great a band name as you can possibly find … and what you’ve got on your hands is pretty much one of the coolest cats on the block.

H/T: Jimmy Traina’s Hot Clicks