Profiles in Brahsomeness: Dance the Magic Dance

You could accuse us of googling t-n-a photos to blahg about while waiting at work to time our post-work gym excursion with the afternoon influx of spandex and camel toe. And we certainly wouldn’t fault you for that. Because, well, you’re right. However, every now and then, we come up with a quasi-legitimate journalistic reason to go snooping around the interwebs for naked women. After the jump follow us through our first hard hitting and brahsome look at the everyday, unrecognized heroes in today’s society.

KETV-7 News in Omaha has a gripping and tantalizing story about a young woman, Jenny Heineman, a student at the University of Nebraska at Omaha who, following a trip to Europe, started stripping in order to complete her thesis, “Gender and Work: An Ethnography of a Midwest Strip Club”. Ms. Heineman (we’ve decided we want to sound like the Wall Street Journal this afternoon, plus her last name has “heiny” in it) states that while in Europe, she “…was taking a course in sexuality and culture, and I got introduced to the underground culture of sex work and became very interested in the rights of sex workers.” Sex workers of course, being our favorite types of people–”prositutes, call girls and strippers.”

During her study, Ms. Heineman worked in the local Ohama titty bar, the 20’s Club, and studied under the tutelage of professor Shireen Rajaram. (The name of the professor that okay’ed you to be a stripper has the word “ram” in his/her name. Really. And again, your last name is pronounced “heiny-man”. Really.) Professor Vaginaram, er, Rajaram, was unavailable for comment.

Now, we are several things. One is judgmental. Another is nosy as all get out. We combined those attributes to find out a little more about Ms. Heineman in an attempt to understand (and later flaunt our knowledge) why a woman would choose to strip, particularly for intellectually justifiable reasons. We, of course, needed to know first whether or not Ms. Heineman was hot. At first glance of the video provided on the KETV webpage, we thought “she is not altogether totally unattractive” and may or may not have complimented her pearl-like white skin and shiny red hair. (One of our New Year’s Resolutions was not to get sued for libel, so we’re not going to call her “pasty” or refer to her as a “Ginger”.)

But as the video continued to play–and show Ms. Heineman dancing–we became a little intrigued. Certainly intrigued enough check out her, we’re sure, very proud academic institution. One look at this website and we immediately realized just how wrong we were to spend our nine years of secondary education anywhere but sweet, glorious Omaha.

But since the site didn’t have much personal information about Ms. Heineman, we decided to utilize our full stalker capabilities and scope out her Myspace page. And, score. Ms. Heineman is a bisexual barista in graduate school. While we’re not fond of the intellectual haughtiness that comes along with the extended education, we totally back both swinging ladies and coffee vendors, not to mention a preference for Ignatius J. Reilly.

The moral of the story? Ladies. Step outside the box (pun intended) and get educated. Needless to say, we have a “friend request” in for Ms. Heineman, and if all goes well, we’ll be grading her pole performance and sampling her goods without having to make it rain.