There were some strange things happened last week that we didn’t get a chance to tell you about yet, and we’d hate to leave you in the dark. So here’s another installment of the Randie Roundup with 5 stories you wouldn’t want to miss.
Man Writes Check His Butt Will Now Likely Cash – Forrest Kelly Bissonnette needed some cash. And rather than write a check that would inevitbly bounce, he thought it better to write a note demanding money from the bank teller… on a check. Though he ’scratched out his name’, it remained legible, and that, along with a tip from a man claiming to be a friend of Bissonnette informing authorities that Forrest “had received $5,000 in a bank robbery using a demand note” was shockingly enough evidence to issue a warrant for his arrest.
If He Did Burp, He’s Not A Perp – Frederick Cronin was arrested for DUI in Stratham, NH back in June. And, after blowing a .12 and .13 on the blood-alcohol breath machine, his license was suspended. However, Cronin’s got an interesting defense in this case- according the NH law, if a person vomits, regurgitates, or belches during a 20-minute observation period, the observation period must be restarted. During the 20-minute period, Cronin told Officer Call that he had burped. After waiting another 20 minutes, Cronin blew a .12. Before a required second sample was taken, Cronin told Call that he had burped again. Call then heard Cronin burp, but described it as a “dry burp,” the appeal said. Unsure of what to do because of the burp that occurred before the second sample, Call discussed the problem with a superior, who told Call to have Cronin blow into the breath machine a second time and accept the results if they were close to those from the first sample (which they were, at .13). Cronin’s defense is that the results are inadmissable because of a failure to follow proper protocol following the burp. Our question is what the hell is a ‘dry burp?’
Today’s Lesson: How To Receive a Beating From Your Senior Citizen Teacher – In the feel-good story of the week, a dispute that started over throwing away some trash evolved into a nice little brew-ha-ha. Thomas Silva, a 61-year-old teacher at Riverside Community School, asked a student to throw away some trash. The student refused and allegedly shoved the teacher. Then, according to police Sgt. Mitch Spike, “the student reportedly slapped the teacher and then the teacher allegedly punched the student three times in the head.” And that, students, is how you beat that ass.
Venezuela Makes an Ass-ton of Soup – No one really knows that much about Venezuela- Colombia’s got it’s coke and Brazil has it’s hot women, but Venezuela is just kind of ‘there.’ Not any more, though, since they just shattered the world record for biggest pot of soup ever. 3,960 gallons of Sanchocho Stew demolishes the record previously held by Durango, Mexico which was set at 1,413. Food Minister Rafael Oropeza said the soup should feed between 60,000-70,000 people. Now if they can only get their hands on 8000 boxes of saltines they’ll be in business.
Pre-requisites Include Intro To GChat and Wake and Bake 101 – We remember fondly some elective classes we had the opportunity to take over the years. Intro to Film (which meant napping through a couple of Charlie Chaplin silent films and writing an essay on Half Baked), History of Rock and Roll (which meant napping through a lecture about Chubby Checker and writing an essay on Dark Side Of The Moon), and Spanish (Mrs. Gibson was simply en fuego). But we never got to pull on Intro To YouTube. Chapter 1: Evolution of the RickRoll.
