Santa Claus Is Coming To Brown

Drunk sidewalk Santa’s are as much a part of Christmas as egg nog and Jesus Christ at this point.  But there was something different about the Santa in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater on Christmas Eve.  Yes, he was fat (280 pounds).  Yes he had the red hat.  Yes he had a blood alcohol level above .08.  But, he also “wore a blond wig, red lace camisole, purple G-string, black leg warmers and black shoes.”  Rick Carroll got a DUI on Monday night, and likely a lump of coal on Tuesday.  Honestly, don’t people realize that Santa himself won’t drive drunk- I mean hell, he’s basically got a team of drivers (Donner, Blitzen, Prancer, and the rest of the gang) and a police escort (Rudolph with that nose so bright).  The best line from the story, though, is Deputy Police Chief Ken Garner saying, ”We are pretty sure this is not the Santa Claus.”  Oh really, Chief?  Pretty sure about that, are we?  Maybe we could shove him down a chimney just to be sure.