Morning Wood: What’s In A Name?

So it’s old news that Stamos is engaged.  And, as a part of getting engaged, fiance’s and fiancee’s will inevitably start talking about appropriate names for their future next-of-kin.  In some cases (such as that of Mr. and the Future Mrs. Stamos) that discussion is most easily delved into in relation to what will (hopefully) come before the kids- dogs.  Now, there are some names that really work for dogs and not for kids (like, say, McGruff) and there are some that really work for kids, but not so much for dogs (like, say, Lionel or Katherine).  But there appears to be a fine line regarding some other names. 

So Stamos has this name that he really backs: Corduroy.  The Future Mrs. Stamos… not so much.  But Corduroy sounds like a raging badass.  I mean, seriously- if you’re in high school, and you’re a guy, you’re gonna tell me you don’t want to hang with Corduroy Connors?  Fuggetaboudit. And, if you’re in high school, and you’re a girl, you’re gonna tell me you don’t want to get plowed but Corduroy Connors?  Fuggetaboudit (yes, I recently saw Napoleon Dynamite again- so sue me). That guy SLAYS box.  He is cocksmith defined.  See, my whole thing is when you’re thinking about a name for your kid, you really only have to be careful about how it can be manipulated into an awful nickname, or if it defines what he / she will become.  For example:  if you name your son Bruce, you’ve got a 50-50 at best that he’s not gay.  Or, for example, you name your daughter Patty, you damn sure better hope she’s thinner than a muh-fuh.  So what’s the problem with Corduroy?  20 years from now, noone is going to remember that bear from my childhood, and even if they do, that bear kicked ass.  And what nicknames could there be?  Lord (who doesn’t want to be nicknamed God?), Cord (as in “that guy’s got a huge cord”… I’ll take it), Sword (see Cord), Roy (just kinda sounds cool, except in the case of UNC b-ball coach Roy Williams, where it just sounds like a smug bastard who couldn’t afford a coca-cola and now chooses to wear those bass-ackwards Al Julian flannel ties to the games if not sporting a nice mock- note the look at :22- Archibald Smugglesworth).

At the end of the day, you could make the argument that Corduroy is possibly the greatest name in the history of names.  When we’ve got celebrities naming their kids Apple and Maddox and Suri, you’re telling me there’s not a place for Corduroy?  Anywho, off my soapbox.  We all know how this is going to end- me begging for the name, the future Mrs. Mos denying it and threatening to restrict box access until I drop it, at which point I’ll just name my dog Corduroy.  But one things for sure- that dog is gonna be a raging cocksmith.

Tagged as: Corduroy, Roy Williams, Snoop Dogg