That’s right, Brahsome faithful, I’m going all cheezy doodles on this piece and my mailing it in from my Verizon Wireless (coverage not available in all areas, standard rates may apply…please God advertise with us) BlackBerry. Why am I mailing it in you ask?

Because I am stuck on campus in the middle of the school police’s shooter drill. Yes, a shooter drill. Remember the tragedy at Virginia Tech? They are practicing for that at UNCG right now.

Which I guess is good. Except for a few things. First of all, isn’t it a little pessimistic to waste tax dollars training UNCG’s finest to prepare for some gothed out nihilist to let loose on a classroom full of carpet chompers in the middle of a fine spring day in the quiet little town of Greensboro? (Note that 70 percent of the campus is female and out of that 70, I would venture that 68 percent is actually “in play”. And yeah, out of that 68, there’s another 92 percent, according to the most recent polls, that find me “creepy and old”.) Secondly, what kind of training is actually happening? Are the cops just getting to play a fun game while clogging up my inbox? Because that’s what it seems like, especially when I finally was allowed safe passage and just received notice that the “‘Suspects’ are in custody.” Because, look, if you’re going to play a round of paintball in the middle of my school, at least fucking invite me, okay? I’m baller when it comes to that shit.

And here’s the other thing: it would be all good and fine if I had made the mistake of being on campus when this dookie started. But I drove on in the middle of it. And therein, folks, lies the beef. Why the hell did they let me onto campus in the middle of practicing this uber tragedy? Lock that shit down, son. There’s no reason I should be able to wander onto campus in the middle of a shooter drill. What if these badge toting robo-cops (they may actually be real police, I’m not sure) can’t manage to catch the maniac with a machine gun cutting loose while he sprints across campus? And it’s just me and him face to face at in front of the Art Museum. Him trying to get his kill on and me just wanting a cig break? You know who comes out of that situation a winner? So being on there was like being stuck in Bubble’s netherworld of crack addiction. I could see the exit. I knew I wanted to leave, and yet…the “city” wouldn’t let me.

Or maybe I feel like Bubbles because I routinely find myself living in relatives’ basements. Hmmm. Either way, the Wire kicked ass last night. I guess…is…um…the…uh…main…bullet point…um, here. First let me caveat this brief recap and discussion by pointing out that I stayed up until 7 am watching season 4, so some things may have been crushed up and blended in my brain. But let’s give props where props are due. Season five came out hot.

Here are some things I think we know: Dookie is gonna kill someone, McNulty is going on a bender and the up and coming, wants to work at The Times reporter from The Baltimore Sun is blatantly going to do something bad that involves screwing over his bosses and the spicy Latina reporter who’s totally unafraid of strip clubs. (Hint: We like her. Like we like youporn.)

On a less snarky note though, I absolutely love the inclusion of the newspaper world into the cast and numerational storylines that are already running. It’s what the crew of The Wire does best - incorporate a partitional section of Baltimore into a subset story and then juxtapose it with the harsh criminal world that serves as the main storyline. We have the “white” cops, the “black” criminals and the crooked politicians. In each distinct portion of the storyline there’s always someone trying to fight against the naturally evil world. As any good protaganist would be, each of them is inherently flawed. I could wonder about the two most important questions: who is going to emerge as protaganist from The Sun and what prenatural flaw of theirs is going to cause upheaval and give the bad guys a distinct edge? But it seems way more fun to wonder how long Cheese (possibly my favorite character of all time in anything) is going to stick around and how the newspaper is going to fuck up Clay Davis.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiit.

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