Getting cheated on by your significant other sucks. Big-time. I wouldn’t personally know, however, because I’ve never found out been cheated on. I can only imagine it would cause a wide range of emotions to run through your body: sad, betrayed, lonely, angry, etc. It can also cause a wide range of reactions: tearing pictures in half, throwing shit out the window, plowing everything in site, huge benders, basically all kinds of self-destructive behavior. You know what I don’t get? It’s people, usually ladies, who take they’re cheating lover back and then start a holy-war on the object of their mate’s affections….which sometimes involves a facebook group called “[Name] Sucks!!!!” Sure, that other person is responsible for those herpes hurt feelings, but give me a break. That dirtbag is the cheater, the one in the relationship and the one that broke the bond of trust. It’s an all too common routine, you feign anger, they kiss your ass, you let them weasel their way back in your life. Have some balls, kick them to the curb and find some new steeze. Or at least do something sinister to get back at them. Or you could go completely loony and mail the person who’s taking care of your biznass a cow’s head. A Pennsylvania man did just that after his wife cheated on him. He was arrested and charged with stalking, terroristic threats, disorderly conduct and harassment. He went to a butcher’s shop and told the butcher he wanted the skull for decoration. Nope. He froze it so the postal service wouldn’t smell it and mailed it to his wife’s f-buddy. That is crafty, yet petrifying. On an even more petrifying note, the man reconciled with his wife. I bet that first night back together was a wee bit awkward. “Soooooooo, who’s spooning who?”
You know who wouldn’t fuck around if he got cheated on? 007, that’s who. New Bond Girl Olga Kurylenko better watch thyself before she wreck thyself. If you stepped out on James Bond, he would fuck your mother, sister and maybe even your grandmother. Not to mention he would have a new super-model before you thought up a good lie for why your box smells like an asian sweatshop. Despite what Magic Sarah may say, keep that shit in your pants.
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That Asian sweatshop box line is spectacular.