If you had told me, at the start of the playoffs that the Super Bowl matchup was going to be the Giants against the Patriots, I would have replied something along the phonetic lines of FAH-Q. To me, it’s the worst possible matchup we could have gotten. I dislike the Patriots, mainly because their fanbase is growing faster than the Kenan Flagler Basketball School in Charlotte. Not to mention all the fans who are “lifelong” Pats’ fans. Stupid six year olds. And hearing massholes brag about the undefeated season that is essentially inevitable obviously doesn’t help matters either.

On the other hand, there are the Giants. And Eli Manning. Do you know what happens if the Giants win? People start trying to justify the Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade. First of all, it’s unjustifiable, since the Chargers got Merriman, McNeil and Kaeding out of the deal too. (Kaeding might actually help justify the deal at this point though.) But if Eli wins a Super Bowl before Phil, bearing in mind that the R-Berger has already firmed one up, you won’t be able to get away from the “Great trade by the Giants!” and “Ernie Accorsi looks a lot less like Brian Sabean than we thought!” Plus, there’s the whole parallel of Giants-Giants getting swindled across the board, which I always enjoyed. Anywho, I thought that Postman E did a superb job over at WATP of building a case for the Patriots, should Brett Favre fail to reach the Super Bowl by coming out and laying a total turd, which he did. See, the Patriots going 19-0 would in fact be sports history. And if I’m going to absolutely hate watching the Super Bowl, I see only two options: 1) gamble heavily, creating some sort of reason to “like” a team and b) cop out with a “sports history” option for the Patriots. All of my friends (or people that tolerate my presence) are NCSU fans. We like shit-ridden beds when it comes to New York quarterbacks, so none of us want to see Eli succeed. Ergo, it’s time to suck it up, gentlemen and ladies, and pull for sports history. But since the next two weeks are going to be a total Eli-has-arrived questionarre amid an 18-0 suck off, I’m just going to ignore it and watch funny remakes of the Ducktales theme song (from the same people responsible for “Lasagna Cat“, which I will also be embedding throughout the day.

And before you get all b-deep in some D-tales, yes we will be running Magic Sarah’s Messy Box and Boxy Brown’s Hot Box today. It’s a floating holiday (that’s what some are calling it) Special Box Party Extravaganza. So quit emailing us about that. Winning lottery ticket information is fine though.