What the hell else are we supposed to come up with? Are we right? Hmmm? Hmmm? Of course we are. So we have our top 11 Super Bowl ads of all time, as determined by a not-so-random panel of selected voters and then run five times through a complex biorhythm. If you don’t like ‘em, or you do like ‘em, or you’ve got better suggestions, let us know in the comments, as always.
11. “Macintosh” (1984)
It should be higher, but we’re young. And none of us own those fru-fru Macs (although Brinson, purportedly, is considering buying one because he thinks he’s some sort of “mastermind” around these parts).
10. “Cat Herders” (2000)
It’s just so smart. And there’s something funny about herding cats. We can’t lie. Well played, EDS.
9. “Frogs” (1995)
If we didn’t resent it for all the spinoffs it spawned, it would likely be much higher. But damn it was clever back in the day, especially when all we thought we wanted was beer. Little did we know how right we were.
8. “Mean Joe Greene”
We choke up every damn time. Oh, Mean Joe. You tore still-only-technically-existing-as-semen-hearts out back in 1979, and nothing’s really changed.
7. “Rollin’ VIP” (2007)
Someone involved around or with Kevin Federline has some brains, right? At least they marketed his douchey ass somehow. Although word on the street is his attorneys are seeking another 300k from Brit-Brit. Wonk, wonk.
6. “Just One Look” Pepsi/
Goddamn that new Pepsi can was sexy as hell. Seriously, remember when a “new can” and crap like “Clear Pepsi” actually inspired market surges? Yeah, us either. Dude, we’re not old.
5. “Bud Bowl” (many years)
Stamos questioned the commercial validity of this string of great contests, but F Stamos. He’s not in charge of the listing this week, and there were certain years where the Bud Bowl was more exciting than the actual game (remember when the Steve Young slippyfisted the Chargers?)
4. Pepsi Deliverymen (1996)
When you really think about it, the Super Bowl was just a Pepsi-Coke pissing contest for a few years.
3. “Wazzzzup” (1999) We tried to deny it, but we can’t. And while now it seems horrible, at the time, everyone repeated that phrase for like six months. Stamos apparently still does on occasion. (We’re clearly dating ourselves when you’ve seen Wazzup ahead of the Apple commercial, btw.)
2. “Terry Tate: Office Linebacker” (2003) Again, no need to get rid of him. We can’t really explain, nor should we need to, the sheer joy we take in seeing some cube-lackey get his clock cleaned for acting like a bag at the office. And we like other people’s pain, but whatever.
1. “The Showdown” – Jordan v. Bird (1993) An instant classic that we wish they still ran, where Jordan and Bird play a game of HORSE for a Big Mac, bouncing balls off more places than [insert Tom Brady in Boston bar joke here].