Someone tell me what the f*ck I’m doing in class this morning? I’m currently pregnant with a four pound sausage + queso baby and businesses in our country just coughed up 260 million dollars to advertise on FOX for the Super Bowl. Not to mention Philip Rivers is suddenly the “worst” quarterback in the 2004 draft class (I don’t actually think it’s true, but he’s the only from the big three without a Super Bowl ring). My wallet is a little lighter because I suck at gambling and somehow I’m hungover; funneling a pack and a half of Richmond’s finest will do that to you. Yet here I sit, suffering through the brutal catch-22 of deciding whether or not to drink this huge cup of coffee or not.
So my question is, again, what the f*ck am I doing in class? Shouldn’t the day after the Super Bowl be a national holiday? Doesn’t that make some modicum of sense, or is it just me? FedEx had to send out memos reminding their employees that today was a legitimate work day and everyone knows that no one actually works today. Come on. We have tons of national holidays that can be swapped out … Columbus Day anyone? 14-freaking-92. That’s how long ago the Spaniard was accidentally running into land masses that turned out to be our country weren’t even America. And if he’s so freaking important, why aren’t I living in “Colombia” right now? Does he really need his own holiday over the arguably biggest sports day of the year, when everything stops, the entire country watches football and 70 percent of America’s employees black out on booze and food before crawling into their cubicles in the morning? I don’t think so either.
And while we’re talking about the game, might as well mention a halfway-heartfelt congratulations to the New York Giants. That shit was surreal. So many times, the Pats have been there, needing a huge drive and so many times they have come through with either a go ahead touchdown or a game winning field goal or whatever they needed to win the game. They got that anyway. But then Eli Manning and David Tyree somehow pulled a 4th and 26 type of catch out of their various sphincters and proceeded to take the Giants into the end zone. Even then, with 35 or so second remaining, it seemed almost guaranteed that the Pats would end up tying the game and winning in overtime. It’s just what they do.
But credit to the Giants … and while I’m not going to sit here in hindsight and say that we should have seen this coming, but we probably should have. Had we known how bad Tom Brady’s ankle was (he couldn’t make any of the long throws accurately all day) or had we really thought about how good that Giants defensive line is (the pressure on the Golden Boy was ridiculous all evening) we wouldn’t have thought 11.5 points was even reasonable or rationale. Instead we thought only about the Pats perfect season and date with destiny, blahblahblah. Or maybe my brain was just affected by the ill-fated attempt to dip M&M cookies into cheese dip.
Regardless, the Giants played a great game. The Patriots did not. The most prolific offense in the history of the NFL and the record breaking TD pass quarterback (and receiver, I suppose) were not on the same page. Wes Welker didn’t get used until the second half, which normally is fine … if the first half has involved a lot of Randy Moss. Which it did not.
Anyway, you watched the game. You don’t need me to tell you what an effing shock the whole thing was to the system of a heavy football watcher (yes, double entendre with the cheese dip here), what with Eli not not doing anything stupid. I totally expected to see him do something shit his pants in the middle of the field, which is completely ironic, since I’m one bran muffin away from not ever coming back to this class. Either way, I shouldn’t be here and you shouldn’t be at work. Maybe I’ll spend the afternoon actually coming up with stats to back it up…
{ 3 trackbacks }
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Columbus didn’t land in our country. Pay more attention in class instead of blahging.
Columbus didn’t land in our country. Pay more attention in class instead of blahging.
I’m pretty sure Columbus found San Salvador in his 1492 trip. Didn’t hit the mainland until his 3rd rodeo 6 years later. And by “I’m pretty sure” I meant “Thank God for the Interweb which afforded me the luxury of googling that and sounding like I knew something.
Everyone can fuck off. I thought I wrote it differently the first time when I was hustling to finish before class ended.