Stamos’ brother tied the old knot this past weekend, and a great time was had by all.  Which reminded him about why weddings are so much fun.  Since we’re all getting closer and closer to neck deep in wedding season, this seems like an appropriate time to discuss the great things about weddings.  And away we go.  (And as a proactive CYA maneuver on my part, as the Future Mrs. Mos is certain to read this at some point, let the record show that some of the things posted beneath here are only for younger, single readers, not people, like myself, who find themselves matured and wrapped lovingly in a deep, long-standing, meaningful relationship.)

1. Free food and booze.  Look, I aín’t gonna lie.  We bankroll here at Brahsome.  You see those ads to your left and right?  Damn straight, yo.  But that doesn’t mean we want to spend it on eating and drinking.  We’d much rather have that cash around to corn us up and xanny us down.  So why pay for food and drink when you can get both on the house at a wedding?  That’s just simple arithmetic.

2.  Girls at weddings are interested in getting plowed.  Nothing lubes a girl up like seeing one of her best buds wrap a guy up forever.  This goes back to the simple biology of women wanting to protect their seed and men wanting to spread theirs.  When a girl sees her friend tie a partner down, they get to thinking about doing the same.  And what better way to get a man to love you then to put out?  None.

3. Seeing your boys.  Look, this might be a little sappy, but it is fun to get down like the good old days with the old crew.  Reminiscing about high school football and pledging your respective frats and double-teaming that girl you met at IHOP in the elevator in her dorm and what-not.  Good times all around.

4. Getting nice.  If there’s one thing you’re expected to do at a buddy’s wedding, it’s get blackfaced and make an ass of yourself on the dance floor.  It’s like you’ve got cart blonch (so what if we don’t know how to spell french- we’ll still use that shit) to chicken dance with your buddy’s hot mother and then do the kid’n'play into the worm while people circle up like you’re in middle school.  That’s not enough?  Fuck it- tear the fire extinguisher off the wall in the hotel and act like you’re jerking it off before spewing everywhere.  Everyone’s a winner.

So at the end of the day, embrace your buddy’s wedding.  It’s easy to complain about ’spring wedding tour’ and get pissy when you have to get a hotel or rent a tux.  But at the end of the day, that’s a small price to pay for reminiscing with your boys in a free blackout while getting nice before wrecking box, isn’t it?