Remember the good old days when we all faked being older so we could end the misery of playing ‘hey mister’ at the local Piggly Wiggly?  Good times, good times.  Hell, it wasn’t long ago when Stamos was still helping Brahsome faithful get their hands on a fake ID.  These days, though, it seems trendier to fake like you’re younger.  Take Miggy Tejada for example.  Turns out, guy’s 33 years young instead of the 31 he’s been claiming since making his way to the Show.  Now, two years ain’t that big of a deal.  But when you’ve been gargling HGH for the last decade trying to preserve your youthful good looks, the news that you’ve been lying about your age comes as more of a shock. 

Look, it’s one thing if you’re Danny Almonte, and you make yourself feel better by fanning a bunch of 10 year olds when you’re 15.  Honestly, who wouldn’t want a confidence booster like that?  And at least he’s playing the part of an older guy, having saddled up with a Mexi-cougar.  But Tejada’s situation seems much closer to something like news breaking that Pamela Anderson is really 56 and we all just bought into her being 40 because of that sweet, sweet rack.  What’s next?  Is word going to leak that Miley Cyrus is legal?  Because that would be welcome news.  Or maybe we’ll all find out that Catherine Zeta-Jones is actually 38 years old .  Wait… CZJ is 38 years old.  Suite Jeebus- way to be Mike Douglas.  Maybe what we’ll really find out is that Mike Douglas is actually 63.  Wait… Douglas is actually 63.  Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest badass of all time, Michael Douglas.  He’s getting seniors discounts at Denny’s, and then getting road head from this girl on the way home.  God bless America.