Morning Wood: Carolina Tarheels Bobcats

If you’re new to these parts, you may not know about how much we at Brahsome hate UNC.  So let me tell you a bit about it- we hate the shit out of UNC.  We hate that fairy-ass light blue.  We hate their brie and pinot grigio football tailgates.  We hate their shrimp n beer frat parties.  We hate how friggin smug they are- I mean how smug could Roy Williams be to assume those ties he’s wearing are OK?

So now we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about how we hate our local NBA team, the Charlotte Bobcats.  No, we don’t hate them because they haven’t finished over .500 in the team’s history.  No, we don’t hate them because Nelly is a minority owner (we actually sort of like that, seeing as how Nelly is basically a dead ringer for former NC State guard Scooter Sherrill).  We don’t hate them because the majority owner, Bobby Johnson, calls out the fans for poor attendence (that should get them in the doors.  Sort of like your mom telling your to do your chores, but you actually have to pay her to do them instead of get an allowance) and blames the local business for his failure.  No… we could live with all that.  What we can’t live with is the Bobcats being just another Tarheel blue institution.  So what did they do to try to win us back?  Hire Larry Mothrafrickin Brown.

Look, we’re plenty aware that UNC produces talented players, and you need talented guys to win.  But let’s get serious.  Currently there’s only 2 UNC grads on the team, Ray Felton and Sean May- that is if you count Sean May as being on the team seeing as how he’s started just 9 games in his career after being saddled with injuries almost assuredly related to his being a fat piece of shit.  But just last year Jeff McInnis was on the squad as well.  And when he left, just to keep enough UNC blood in the building, they brought in Phil Ford to help coach.  There’s Buzz Peterson in as Director of Player Personnel.  Might as well get Jason Capel to do the radio color commentary- oh wait… they already did.  Of course you’ve got His Airness in the GM chair, so that’s nice.  And now you bring in Larry Brown to tie the whole thing together?  Seriously, this has to be the biggest joke of a franchise on the face of the earth.  The Knicks are laughing at the Bobcats right now.  You don’t think there are some NC State or Duke fans down in Charlotte that might have come to some games if the organization wasn’t sooooo Tarhole?  It was really your best to draft Ray Felton AND Sean May in the same year?  You could’ve drafted Danny Granger instead, and saved yourself the $8 mil a year of what you’re handing to Gerald Wallace while getting just one less dime a game and not having a tub of jelly roll around the bench?  At least Jordan spends plenty of time in Charlotte catering to the fans of the team he manages.  Oh, that’s right.  He’s off plowing through randie sorostitutes in Cabo.  Whatever.  Somehow this team will manage to find a way to draft Danny Green in the first round and backdoor Wayne Ellington in the 2nd while scooping up QT as an undrafted free agent, and the UNC grad school they call the Bobcats can continue simultaneously sucking and blowing.

Tagged as: basketball, Bob Johnson, Bobcats, Carolina, charlotte, Danny Green, Larry Brown, Michael Jordan, Raymond Felton, Sean May, UNC, Wayne Ellington