We went pretty deep into this list last year, walking you through the top ten and providing thoughts on some glaringly wrong placements and omissions, and it seemed to go over rather well. And while that went well we figured we’d just run through the top 5 and then provide pics for the 3 who got most jobbed and the 3 who must have blown an editor at Maxim.
#5. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Hmm, is this the 2008 list, or the 1996 list? Sure, Gellar is good looking, but has she been relevent at all since her girl on girl make out sesh in Cruel Intentions? And the obvious answer, no… no she hasn’t. And she’s not now either.
4. Eva Longoria. Yeah, she belongs on this list. She’s hot as shit, and she’s previously talked about how she teached Tony Parker new tricks in the bedroom. That kind of talk makes it much easier to rub to her.
3. Jessica Biel. Now we’re talking. Biel seems sometimes to get forgotten when people are talking about the hottest box out there. But when you start looking around, there she is, plain smoke. Plus, she’s getting nailed by J Tim. Actually, we’re not sure how, if at all, that makes her hotter. Regardless, we’d gladly lick mayonaisse off her anus.
2. Scarlett Johansson. Some of the luster has worn off her since she got engaged. But not so much luster that we can’t callous up old righty on a Thursday night picturing that amazing rack.
#1. Marissa Miller. Now this one they just plain got right. Marissa Miller is the hottest thing going right now. Just Fuego. And the best part about her is she got her start in Perfect 10 magazine, so any time you want to see her beautiful boobies, there they are. She is married to arguably the biggest loser on the face of the earth, but it’s a transgression we’re willing to overlook because it makes her that much more likely to be available in the future.
So there’s your top 5- let’s move on to who were the least deserving of their placement.
#18. Ashley Simpson. You mean to tell me there are only 17 women on the face of the earth hotter than the less hot Simpson sister? Big Jess wasn’t found on the list until the mid-30s. Weak.
#19. Britney Spears. Just laughable. We had a tough time naming 19 girls less hot than Brit. She’s a huge, jiggly ball of herpes and British accents. And that’s something of a slap in the face of herpes and British accents- our most sincere apologies.
#20. Jennifer Love Hewitt. We’re not the only ones who’ve noticed that she’s a whale these days, right? Fat is not the new hot.
And here’s the 3 girls that got straight jobbed.
#34. Jessica Alba. We’ve discussed the lovely Ms. Alba plenty on this blahg, so we’ll spare you some, but this is just wrong. She’s hotter at 7 months than 99.9% of humans ever. We’d eat her afterbirth.
#59. Malin Ackerman. If you could paint a picture of the word ‘intercourse’, it would look exactly like a photograph of Malin Ackerman.
Not Included. Alessandra Ambrosio. And for this reason, we’ll never, ever read an issue of Maxim again. What a friggin yoke.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Funny you mentioned Alessandra Ambrosio. I just posted some pics of her at my site a few days ago.
You hit the YB ticker today – congrats!
How do you get on the YB ticker?
Why are people sweating us so hard on the YB ticker? We’re like the 58th most influential sports blog in the world, and that was almost six months ago. No way we’re lower than 55 now.
Maxim is a flipping joke!