Everyone knows that every party has a pooper. And in the case of NBA Draft parties, that pooper was Jay Bilas. (I will now hang myself for quoting Martin Short in FotB.) But seriously, Bilas was the scourge of NBA fans, douchy frat-bags and alcoholics everywhere last Thursday night when he refused to use the phrases “long” and “upside” throughout ESPN’s 29 hour long coverage of the NBA draft in it’s entirety. Why? Because he knows about the drinking games.
Did you notice that I did not use the terms “long” or “upside” a single time during ESPN’s NBA draft coverage? I am aware of the drinking games that are based upon the use of such terms, and I did my level best to reduce binge drinking across the country. We all have to do what we can. Instead of “long,” I used the terms “length,” “stretch,” “elongated,” “extend” and the ever-popular “considerable linear extent in space.” With one player, I stated that his arms “extend beyond normal or moderate limits.” The descriptive term “long” has been a term of art in basketball for years, but it was kind of fun to see if I could go the entire draft without using it. I’ll probably go back to my usual terminology now.
Touche, Mr. Bilas. Touche. As a Dookie, we expect nothing less than minimal binge drinking (lax based douchebaggery, well, that’s another story). I hereby announce an amendment to future NBA draft drinking games that includes any phrase synonymous with the term “long” or “upside”, and additionally one that will incorporate similar synonyms for the term “upside”.
