If I was in charge of America, I would probably pick Marvin Harrison Torry Holt and Philip Rivers (first, I’m an NCSU fan and second, it would make for some good reading if this happened). Or really, anyone who wasn’t famous for taking dumps on girls’ chests. Because there’s really almost no way that sending Osi, Rog, the Army and some cheerleaders overseas is going to end well for anyone.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, joined by New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees and New York Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora, will soon leave on a seven-day, three-country summer USO tour led by the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Mike Mullen.

It will be the first time that the commissioner of a sports league visits U.S. troops overseas as part of a USO tour, according to the USO.

At the request of Commissioner Goodell, Brees and Umenyiora will join the tour along with other participants invited by Admiral Mullen, including two members of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

Anyway, Brees is actually fine/perfect. He helps Hurricane victims, he’s short and soft-spoken and that patch of doo on his face is pretty disarming, if you ask me. But Osi? His patches of doo are literal. And end up on girls chests, which is cool, if you’re into that sort of thing. Perhaps not so great if you’re one of the ladies stuck on the 18 trans-atlantic flight with him.