MW - A Yoke
Sep 9th, 2008 by Stamos
This, boys and girls, is what we call phoning it in. A joke filling the space we call Morning Wood. Enjoy.
Having been married recently, John doesn’t get to hang out with the boys very often any more. So, one night, two of his buddies bulldoze him into coming out with them. His wife, knowing that a night with the boys will lead only to certain debauchery, is reluctant, but eventually lets him loose.
Once they finish dinner, the imminent blackout ensues. About 6 double bourbon and cokes deep, John is coerced against his better judgement to take a shot of tequila. It’s warm, and it’s tequila, so naturally, John vommes all over himseelf.
“Fuck, man. Now the Mrs. is going to know I was completely blacked out. I’m covered in my own vomit- there’s just no talking my way out of this one.”
“Don’t sweat it, guy,” says John’s friend, calmly. “Just put $10 in your shirt pocket. When the wife asks, say some blackout at the bar threw up on you and gave you $10 to pay for the dry cleaning.”
“That’s genious,” replies John, as he proceeds to rally back towards the bar.
When John strolls in around 3 am, his wife is, predictably, waiting for him in the living room.
“What the fuck happened to you, John?” she asks. “You fucking blackout- you’re not going out with your boys again any time soon. Look at you- you threw up all over yourself.”
“No sweetheart- it’s not what you think. Some guy threw up on me and gave me $10 to cover the dry cleaning for the shirt. Look- the money is right there in the pocket,” as he points towards the shirt he’s tossed in the hamper.
“Nice story, John. But there’s $20 in that pocket.”
“Yeah- that’s because he shat my pants too…”
Thanks to Durant via James.
I’ve got one for you-
A husband and wife are sitting over a romantic dinner discussing various topics. The husband says to the wife, “tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time.”
After thinking for a moment the wife replies, “Your dick is bigger than all of your friends’”