You remember back in high school and college when you had that one friend who would black out way too early and leave himself vulnerable to being the recipient of his friends’ folly? Man, those were the days. Except for some, those days never ended. Take the jump for an e-mail (names edited to protect the innocent) and pictures (unedited so that guy is sorta screwed, but whatever) detailing such a night.
Les Lester and his friend Barrett are immature a$$holes. They used Gorilla Glue (the most ridiculous glue on the market) to attach playing cards, party streamers and a solo cup to my face (you can see the remnants of them in the pictures). Yes, that’s is my eye glued shut. They wrote and drew obscenities all over me with a paint pen. Glued a plate to my stomach, glued my legs together, and added various party hats and party streamers to my hands, arms and clothes. They way Les tells it, he only glued the cup to my head and used “a dab” of glue, but it was sometime after 4 in the morning when it happened and he was “Les Lester” shit faced, so I’d prefer to believe the end result than his foggy recollection of what he did. Yes, I did call the police cause I wanted to press charges on him and Barrett, but the first thing I did when I woke up, realized what had happend and who did it, was to drive to Les’s house and beat his ass. So my case is kinda shot. He has agreed to cover my medical bills and cost of my clothes that he ruined, so at this point I’m not going to pursue any further legal action. It took me all of Saturday and most of the day Sunday to soak in a tub and rub baby oil and vaseline on the glued spots to get it to release from my skin. Unfortunately, Gorilla glue is a polyurethane based glue and no amount of soaking, acetone or mineral spirits or any other commerical solvent will break it down, so eventually I was forced to rip the large covered section of glue from my arms, legs, stomach and face. I was able to recover most of my eye brows, but I did lose a significant amount of hair from the left side of my face, looks kinda like a bad receeding hair line. But fortunately there was no permanent damage to my skin, and the hair should grow back eventually. As you might believe, I have lost all repsect for those mother fuckers and don’t care to see them for a good while. Feel free to forward this on to anybody you’d like.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m calling bullshit on this dood beating anyone’s ass. He obviously had a massive hangover, his eye was glued shut and he had shit glued all over his body. Not exactly a recipe for ass whooping.
What a baggadouche.
Nevertheless, I do remember using multiple rolls of duct tape to tape a friend to a wingback chair while he was “sleeping.”
We then carried him to a narrow hallway leading to a friend’s bedroom, who was also “sleeping,” and wedged him into the hallway, leaning forward, about 3 feet off the ground.
Of course, we weren’t totally inhumane, we taped a bucket to his chest in case he puked.
We cut him loose when the sleeping guy in the bedroom woke up and yelled in surpise when his way out of the room was blocked.
this is incredible….