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There are few things as American as porn. Applie pie, baseball, Chevy automobiles, I suppose, come to mind. But porn’s still cooler than all of them put together. (Unless you have a DVD player in your Tahoe, then you win, because you can watch porn while driving.)
As such, Larry Flynt and dirtbag hero Joe Francis, the creator of Girls Gone Wild, think that Congress should help out the adult film industry … by throwing them a five billion dollar bailout.
“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”Francis said in a statement that “the US government should actively support the adult industry’s survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people.”
Now, we’re a little contradicted here: first of all, we love porn. However, that’s a lot of tax dollars at work. But if Flynt can come up with a plan — say, one free “Stop My Ass Is On Fire 5″ DVD for every hard-working, tax paying American, well, then watching us all cough up that cash seems a lot easier. Also, how about we use some of that money to get some new screenwriters? It seems (at least to this porn fan) that the art of seduction, as it were, is lost on the industry these days. Sure, it’s kind of a waste of five or six minutes, but who doesn’t love seeing a slutty sorostitute open the door and jump the Pizza Shack guy’s balls?
