Zoorotica: If You've Already Tried Everything Else

Understandably, after years of giving the Savannah Slammer to the same lady, you might need to throw a little gas on the fire.  And here’s a grand idea- how about heading down to the local zoo to watch a zebra dogpile another zebra?

“We’re going to talk about animal reproduction, the different animals here at Binder Park Zoo and their little quirks, different things that get them going to help them reproduce,” said Jenny Parnett of Binder Park Zoo.

And here’s a list of things you should probably try before you bring up the idea of heading down to the zoo to watch wild animals fornicate on Valentine’s Day with your special lady:  porn, role playing, S&M, candles, the butt, blindfolds, beads, a threesome, handcuffs, watching a replay of the 1983 NCAA championship game, rubbing out in lieu of sex, erotic asphyxiation, fisting (hey, the Obamas pull), a footjob, an episode of the Gilmore Girls, Viagra, bowling.  Please note, this is NOT an all-inclusive list.