And now for the most ridiculously bizarre penis-whipping-out accusation that you’ll hear this morning: porn star Mary Carey, who deserves a +100 for her name choice, hopped on the radio today and told a story about her “relationship” with Orlando Magic big man Dwight Howard. And man, it is freaking weird.
She basically claims that she was dating N’Sync boy-douche Chris Kirkpatrick but had been talking with Howard frequently, via phone and AIM and whatnot. Howard, being the good guy that he is, naturally tried to keep her from doing porn and sent her Bible verses and tried to get her to repent. Until one night when she was sinning it up at Kirkpatrick’s house and D-Ho felt the need to play Superman.
And then Dwight started calling, and calling, and calling me, because he knew I was with Chris Kirkpatrick, so eventually at 3 in the morning, Chris was like don’t answer Dwight’s calls. I get a text from Dwight at 3 in the morning – I’m outside Chris’s house. I’m like oh my god, what do I do? I was like, I got Dwight here and I got Chris in the other room and I’m talking to them back and forth. So finally I had to just pull Dwight in the bathroom and tell him he needs to go home. I was like I’m really sorry, I really like you, but this isn’t the time or place. When I pull him in the bathroom, he pulls his pants down, I was like, whooa. Yeah, and so I ran and started screaming…
Carey goes on to allege that she has an “evidence file” which is essentially comprised of AIM printouts where Howard is apologizing to her because that’s not his style. Unfortunately for Howard, it is completely and utterly impossible to create a fake AIM conversation, so he’s basically screwed.
Or not — the worse thing that can happen is that a 20-some NBA superstar pulled his penis out at a woman who has sex for a living and she can hold him to it; no one will really care, although we will chuckle and make up potential fake porn names like “Superman that Butterfly Ho.” Or much funnier things.
