If there ever was a reason to get our gentlemanly friends at the Foggy Monocle to come back with a foggy fever, it would have to be the increased selling of monocles across the globe. Of course, that time has OBVIOUSLY come and gone. Or has it … turns out, monocles are the new hotness, yo.
Seriously:
The optician Vision Express has announced it is to re-introduce the single eye-glass following a sudden surge of interest among customers. “To our surprise we have had dozens of requests in the last few months so we thought we’d bring back the monocle on a trial basis,” says Bryan Magrath, the chief executive of Vision Express. “We’re as puzzled as anyone by the interest.”
[...]“It is always thought of an affectation,” says His Honour Judge Quentin Edwards who has used the glass most of his adult life. “But it is quite simply a clever device to help read small print or study something in detail. It is a quick and easy alternative to reading glasses and it is far more practical than carrying a pair of spectacles. I pull out my monocle to read the telephone directory, look at a menu or when I need to glance quickly at a document in court.
Or, alternately, when a waiter attempts to inform me that my credit card has been declined; haughtily grabbing my monocle from my coat pocket, placing it in my right eye and furrowing my brow as I lean towards the servitude-filled insulter and scoff almost always manages to land me a “let me try again, sir.”
And that’s more than ample time to escape from the restaurant before he returns with news that I’m broke as dick. So you see, the monocle makes perfect sense — it’s a way to hide your insecurities and profess to the world that you are indeed not as poor as it may seem.
If you’re interested in seeing jackasses wearing monocles, I suggest you email us and offer to purchase a few — the Brahsome crew will rock them at our forthcoming BCS Championship party (news arriving as soon as I can slap a post together).
