Our boys over at TMZ.com are reporting that Patriots Quarterback, Tom Brady, has succefully proposed to Brazilian supermodel, Gisele Bundchen. Generally, we don’t advise N.F.L starting QBs with multiple Super Bowl rings to ever tie the knot. For one thing, by default, you slay mucho box. Not to mention, you stand to lose a fortune when you continue to slay post-nuptials. In this case, however, it looks to be a pretty wise move. Besides the fact that she’s a 5′ 11″, blond, blue eyed supermodel, she makes more bank than you. She’s actually listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the World’s richest supermodel, pulling in $33 mill in ‘07 and an estimated $35 million in ‘08. All of a sudden, you’re looking at alimony when things go south and you are forced to survive on your paltry $18 million 2007 salary. Gisele can also help offset that kick in the balls child support payment to Bridget Moynahan, estimated to be between $20K and $100K per month. I’m betting that estimate is on the conservative side anyway, not even mentioning his massive endorsement deals. Anywho, back to the issue at hand- when you’ve got the “World’s Richest Supermodel” sweating your junk, you lock that shit up. Take the jump for more less than covering pics of the future (probably ex) Mrs. Brady.

I can’t really justify telling Paris Hilton to stop drinking and driving. I mean, she should stay away from the asphalt, but, hey, whatever. However, I can totally feel fine with myself saying that she should be forced to give up all her dogs. Yes, that’s right. You may recall said dogs from the awesome South Park episode where they keep killing themselves.

Well, turns out they’re not all suicidal. Some just get murdered.

While Paris Hilton usually doesn’t get much sympathy from us, we’ve found that a coyote killed two of her dogs last night. A source tells X17 that Paris is “devastated” and has been crying non-stop. We’re shocked and sending our love to Paris — even though we’re wondering why the dogs were left outside all night.

Excuse me for not feeling as bad for Paris as Popeater; after all these animals do live in freaking Hollywood. And apparently she has 17 of them. SEVENTEEN DOGS. Why on Earth would you own 17 dogs in Hollywood if you can’t keep them from getting eaten by coyotes? In Hollywood.

It’s always fun to compare certain groups to celebrities.  The blog comparing college football teams to rappers from a few years back is one of the best I’ve ever seen.  It’s thorough and most of them are dead on.  In the midst of the ACC’s poor start to the college football season, the folks at 8 Donkeys compare the ACC schools to female celebs.  Most of the comparisons are solid, but the commentary is lacking.  Nice to see at least someone thinks NC State will get there one day, as well as seeing UNC for the frauds they really are.  Jennifer Aniston might be giving BC a little too much credit, but at least it’s all due directly to my man Tom O’Brien.  Florida State is dead on, though the Criminoles stand a better shot to make dat comeback once Jimbo Fisher officially relieves Bobby Bowden from his death race with Joe Paterno.  Tell us what you like and dislike about the list.  If any Brahs out there follow other conferences and want to put their own list together we’d probably run it.

The Whole list after the jump:

BC: Jennifer Aniston

Clemson: Blake Lively

Duke: Amy Winehouse

Florida State: Britney Spears

Georgia Tech: Ashley Tisdale

Maryland: Melina Kanakaredes

Miami: Lindsay Lohan

NC State: Anne Hathaway

UNC:  America Ferrera/Ugly Betty

UVA: Sarah Jessica Parker

Va Tech: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Wake Forest: Audrina Partridge

Thanks to M-Phil for the tip.

Academy Award winning actor and current costar of the Dark Knight Morgan Freeman was involved in a car crash Sunday evening in his home state of Mississippi.  Freeman ran off the road causing his ‘97 Nissan Maxima to flip over several times, leaving him in serious condition.  Morgan Freeman has always been a bad ass and driving a ‘97 maxima confirms that he is cooler than any Bentley driving d-bag in Hollywood.  The Brahs wish Morgan a speedy recovery.

Brahsome sources have indicated that MTV mega star Lauren “LC” Conrad of The Hills and Laguna Beach fame might be gracing Raleigh with her presence this spring.  Word is LC wants to promote her clothing line at Raleigh boutique Gena-Chandler through a “trunk show.”  I don’t know what the eff a trunk show is but if it brings LC to my town I’m down.  Word is Lauren wants to make a bigger presence in the South and chose Gena-Chandler to make it happen.  Why, you ask? Because designers might be gay but they’re not stupid. And they recognize that virginity lasts longer at St. Mary’s than credit card limits last in this store.  Our sources also tell us Lauren is completely committed to the show but must get MTV’s approval since she’s basically their indentured servant.  Lauren was targeting this fall for her Gena-Chandler experience but filming schedules push it back to sometime in the spring.  I must admit The Hills is a guilty pleasure of mine.  It makes my lady friend happy and I get to stare at absurdly hot box.  Everybody’s a winner.

Let us open by saying we don’t like leggings.  There are no circumstances where leggings are flattering.  They are basically only for use when a girl is working out or maybe cleaning around the house or something… or so we thought.  Apparently, though, leggings are also for when you’re slobbing knob.  Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, exhibit A- some Lindsey Lohan designed leggings (retailing for $132 mind you) with built in knee pads.  Hey, just because you’re a raging cock fiend doesn’t mean you need to have bruises…

H/T – WWTDD.com

We haven’t seen the Verne Troyeur sex tape, and we don’t plan to. While celebrity sex tapes are usually pretty sweet, we feel midgets are probably better suited to wearing a sombrero with chips and dip in it or being shot out of a cannon than making pr0n. That said, you gotta hand it to Verne- this girl doesn’t look bad. She does, however, run her mouth to News Of The World about their sex life.  Apparently Verne didn’t quite measure up.  It would have been a tall order for him to please a full size woman either way, but it appears she feels she got the short end of the stick most of the time.  And while it probably isn’t really a big deal at this point, she could have been a little nicer about it.  Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk… we kill us…

She begins- “… Sex was very different from anything I’d experienced before, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was tricky making everything work.  I had to kneel down just to give him a hug. And anything but the traditional missionary position was just impossible. So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees!  It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big.  On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size.”

Aww, isn’t that cute.  Little guy was trying his hardest to please her after he crawled up her leg and went to work?

“Obviously part of him wishes he could be as big as a regular man,” she said. “Verne absolutely hated looking in the mirror.”

Wonder which part?

“I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub,” she said. “Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in.  But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn’t see him.  Verne’s voice is just like it is in the films and as he disappeared under the water, I heard this tiny yelp for help. I could just hear him crying, ‘Ranae, I can’t see! Get me out, I’m drowning!  I was frantic and started to scoop the bubbles out so I could find him. The bath was only about 3ft deep but for someone of Verne’s size it was like he’d fallen into the deep end of a swimming pool—and he CAN’T swim. I put my hand under and eventually felt his bald head and hauled him out. I couldn’t believe I’d tried to do something sexy and ended up almost killing him. He looked like a drowned rat. Then when I asked, ‘Shall we have sex now?’ he was so out of breath he just stomped off with foam on his shiny head and said, ‘I don’t feel like it now.’ It was dreadful.”

So this drowing rat squeaks out that he can’t see or breathe, and you were still thinking getting plowed?  Our kind of girl- always in the mood.

In an interview with complex.com VH1’s favorite son Flava Flav disclosed he lost dat V-card at the tender age of 6.  That’s right, at the age most kids think the opposite sex has cooties Flav was plowing in the bushes.  At least he didn’t have to worry about getting that lucky lady preggers.  Flav currently has seven (known) children by three baby momas.  The shocker there is that he doesn’t have more babies and baby momas.

Complex: Where did you lose your virginity?

Flavor Flav: Where did I lose my virginity? I lost my virginity in the bushes on a box.

Complex: Really?

Flavor Flav: Yea, in the bushes on a box. A girl and me were having sex on a box in the bushes, in some big tall bushes.

Complex: How uh…when was this?

Flavor Flav: This was when I was real, real, real, real, young.

Complex: Like elementary school? Or middle school?

Flavor Flav: Nah, I’m a tell you the truth; I lost my virginity when I was 6 years old.

Complex: Really?

Flavor Flav: Yea, man. Because you know we learned to have done the nasty back in the days, and me and this girl we experiment, we were experimenting, and my little joint got hard, I penetrated for about a few seconds.

Complex: I respect that. Early start my man.

Flavor Flav: That’s right early start and guess what and I have a great finish right now. [Laughs] Yessir!

The greatest hype man of all time also discloses the worst trick ever played on him.  Someone put a booger on his hamburger and he unknowingly ate it.  Don’t worry, Flav got his.  He spread some dog-shat on a ritz cracker and convinced the dood it was a “peanut butter cookie sandwich.”

Russell Simmons, master of lyrical poetry for the hard to hear, just wrapped up the custody portion of his divorce with his wife. And he got his m*therf*cking balls kicked in.

Simmons gets daughters, Ming, 8, and Aoki, 5, once every eight weeks and occasionally more during the summer. But wait! There’s more!

In addition, he pays $20,000 per child per month in child support. That cash flow stops when each reaches the age of 19 1/2, or until the daughter is emancipated, married, becomes self-supporting, joins the armed forces or stops living with Kimora Lee Simmons.

Finally, he’s required to buy or lease a car valued at $60,000 or more for the girls once every 24 months.

The worst part is that his wife, Kimora, is already “kind of engaged” to someone else. Who is an actor. Our best guess? Not a poor actor. Our other best guess? Ming and Aoki won’t be joining the army and/or getting married until roughly 19 and 3/4 years old.

Oh, and our final bestest guess? Simmons helps produce a “She’s a Gold Digger” remix.

H/T: Mrs. J-Dizzle

Kudos to Ryan Wilson (why the eff I didn’t immediately link up to this when I saw his email yesterday, I have no idea) for finding this video of John Daly hitting his drive off a tall boy owned by Kid Rock. Yes, you read that correctly. Simply stunning.

I mean, the video has it all. You don’t need me to explain what “awesome” means to you.